The Ties That Bind - Part 2 The Truth
by theimpossiblegrrl
Summary: Severus finds out what has been hidden from him while beginning his search for Lia. The truth of the matter will bring him to his knees. EWE/AU, M for lemons, language, bigotry, Death Eaters ... it's just an M story. Complete in 3 parts.
1. Prologue - Missing

Part 2 - The Truth

 _"_ _And if I only could,  
I'd make a deal with God,  
And I'd get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
_ _Be running up that building"  
_ Kate Bush

 _"Having an identity is one thing. Being born into an identity is quite a different matter."_  
Henry Rollins

* * *

Prologue - Missing

 _1914_

"She's a bloody squib? You must be joking."

"I'm afraid I am not, Monsieur Crabbe. The oldest possesses a fine potential for magical learning. But the younger has no magic at all. She is, indeed, a squib," said Madam LeRonge, Headmistress of Beauxbatons Academy of Magic. "If you doubt me, you can always go to Hogwarts have their Headmaster examine her."

"No descendant of mine will ever attend that horrid school again," Peter Crabbe almost screamed at the Headmistress in a fit of rage. He calmed himself before he spoke again. "Bianca is acceptable for admission then?"

"By all means, yes," Madam LeRonge reiterated. "She will do well here. Her kind of magic is very special, indeed. You and her mother should be proud."

He shifted in his seat before answering, "We are, thank you."

Madam beamed. "If you would like I keep a list of regular Muggle boarding school close at hand in case you would like to keep the girls close together – "

Crabbe raised a hand to stop her. "That will not be necessary, Madame. We will sort out this inconvenience at home."

The Headmistress stood, and Crabbe left her office. Sitting outside the office were to twin girls so alike in appearance that he and Diana still insisted on marking one of their hands with ink to tell them apart. Their hair was the exact shade of auburn down to the highlights. Their blue eyes twinkled in the same mischievous way when they were in trouble. Even each freckle was plotted on the same point on their faces.

But after today, there would need no more special means to tell them apart.

"You are staying here, Bianca. We will see you on the holidays," he said sternly to the witch on the left.

"Yes, grandfather," the girl said sweetly, as she looped her arm into her sister's.

"Come with me, Fiona." He grabbed the girl on the right and started walking to the entrance hall of the school.

"Fee?" called Bianca after them. "Why is Fee leaving? FEE!" she screamed after her sister.

"Bianca!" cried the girl as the door to the entrance hall slammed shut behind them.

"A squib in my own house," Peter almost spat the words out as he all but threw her into the carriage. "How long has your sister been covering for your lack of magic?"

Fiona was silent, tears pouring from her eyes as she looked at her grandfather.

"You'll have no more time under my roof, girl. We will send you to finishing school, and after that you are on your own. We should have let your father take you," he ground out angrily.

"I wish you would have left us BOTH with him! I despise you!" she cried out.

He slapped her and pulled out his wand. She cringed in the corner of the seat, as far away from him as she could get. But, it didn't matter, as he was one of the most powerful wizards in Britain, and she was only a little squib.

"Obliviate," he said.

 _1925_

Bianca Crabbe was about to be a Crabbe no more. It was her wedding day, and she would be marrying a Selwyn. It was the society wedding of the year among those who counted among the pureblood families. Which, alas, were getting fewer and fewer.

She grinned as her grandmother helped her with her veil. She wanted more babies than she could count. Maybe she and Darius would help repopulate the world with pureblood children, and the little problem of the Mudbloods would finally cure itself – there just needed to be enough real wizards to keep them from stealing their slots at school, their jobs, and their potential spouses.

"You look beautiful Bianca," her grandmother said, backing away from the bride and looking at her handiwork. Bianca's dark auburn hair was completely hidden by the veil that covered her head like a little cap before it flowed to meet her white silk dress.

They walked, hand in hand, to the entrance of the gardens of Selwyn House, where she and Darius would handfast and make their vows. The bride peeked over the hedge to see who all had arrived, and was delighted to see that there were representatives from the entire Twenty-Eight. She clapped her hands together, earning a disapproving look from her grandfather.

"I know you are excited, girl. But do show a little decorum," he chided, taking her small hand in his.

"I shall try, sir," Bianca said, attempting to look more remorseful than she felt. She peeked out over the hedges again, scanning the crowds and counting heads. They'd all made it, all the invitations had come back accepted, and they'd all showed.

But, Bianca could not shake the suspicion that someone was not there. She looked at her small family around her – all accounted for with her aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.

She wondered if her heart was thinking about her mother. But she knew that wasn't quite it either.

Someone was missing. Of that she was completely sure.

She just couldn't remember who.

A/N: Don't kill me for the cliffhanger on Part 1. I was reading Stephen King's "On Writing" when I started this story and became obsessed with the idea of a serial novel and of a kind of modern day Wizarding ghost story. As always, this is not mine. And now it's raining so I can't mow the yard with my little push mower. Rats.  
You'll have to wait for this in true Dickenson fashion though. I'm rewriting some of this Part that doesn't work, so updates will be much further between. I didn't want to keep chickening out of posting this, which is why the last few days have been a flurry of posts from me. Thank you for your time spent with me sharing this version of Rowling's world. I have always depended on the kindness of strangers (also not mine).


	2. Memory

A/N: Second verse, same as the first.

Chapter 1 - Memory

Harry Potter walked through the front entrance of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The last time he strode through these halls was at Neville and Luna's wedding, under much happier circumstances.

Harry was not the Auror assigned to Hogwarts matters. That position was secretly held by Ron, but when his friend had arrived at Grimmauld Place and told the tale of the missing witch, Harry knew he had to take responsibility for the actions that, in his mind at least, caused this event to occur. That not only included giving his statement about the events of the past year to the best of his ability, but taking an active role in finding her as well. He was, after all, the Auror office's Seeker for the Lost Ones.

The Headmistress was waiting for him in the courtyard, arms open for a hug from one of her favorite former students.

"Minerva," he said, breathing in the familiar smells of the school that had been the first place he ever called home.

"Harry, thank goodness you've come. Ron and Hermione are already back, but I'd rather not see Hermione take an active role in this in her condition."

"Try telling her that," Harry said. They walked quickly through the castle to her office. If Harry could have Apparated he would have gladly done so, as ready as he was to start working.

"Tattyboggle," she told the statue. Harry watched the entrance to her office open, and they walked up the long staircase to the corridor at the top. The heavy oak doors were open, and Harry could hear that they were about to walk right into a fight.

"I will not stay behind like some invalid just because I'm pregnant, Ronald. You are all being completely ridiculous," Hermione said. Harry thought that if steam could have come out of her ears, it would have happened at this moment. Her freckled face was blotched and red with anger, her already fizzy hair puffing out even more due to the moisture from the sheen of sweat covering her face. Harry thought of Ginny's more charming moments while she was pregnant with James. He already knew enough to be a little nervous around an angry, pregnant witch.

"Do you want me to get my mother on this, Hermione? Because I will! Maybe she can talk a little sense into you." Ronald walked to where Harry stood, searching for an agreement to his plight. Harry took a step back into the shadow of the open door and shook his head.

"Thanks a lot, mate," Ron muttered.

"But you need me, Ronald. Neither of you know her like I do; I can be of use!' She cried as she pled her case.

"Snape's coming with us, and I'd wager he 'knows' her a lot better than any of us," Ron said, flushing a little with the thought of Snape with a girlfriend.

"Is he back, then?" Hermione looked to Minerva, who had stood her ground.

"Severus returned from Malfoy Manor last night, dear," Minerva replied. "He said the mansion looks like it has been abandoned since the end of the last war, but that looks could be deceiving."

Harry took a step back into the room. "We'll find her Hermione. I promise."

"Then you idiots better Floo or owl me every day," she grumbled.

"Afraid we'll miss something?" Ron asked, annoyed. "We _are_ Aurors. We may not have sat for our NEWTs, but we did a lot of training and hard work to get that title. And Snape was a spy. Merlin's pointer finger, woman!"

Hermione looked at Ron, and when she saw his hurt she conceded. "She's my best friend, Ron. I'm worried, and when I worry I want to help. It's what I do –what I've always done. You know that. It's going to be hard to me to sit on the sidelines while you guys do all the work." She put an arm around her husband, who in turn curved an arm around her softly rounded belly.

Harry looked away as they shared the tender moment.

"Do research for us here, then. Find out who her mother is," Ron said, kissing her cheek. "I'd start with looking back through _The Pure-Blood Directory._ She is a Slytherin after all. But don't wear yourself out. Rose needs you well, and I do too."

"This is all very touching, Mr. Weasley and Mrs. Granger-Weasley. But can we get to the task of finding Lia?" Severus had walked in, unnoticed to the rest of the group.

Harry gaped when he saw him. Severus looked like he'd aged ten years. His face had taken on the sallow tone Harry remembered from school. The lines of his face were even more pronounced, and his clothes hung on his already thin frame. He looked more like the man he remembered finding in the Shrieking Shack the night of the Battle of Hogwarts rather than the happy, at ease man who'd left his home not a week ago.

"Severus." Hermione walked to where he was standing and embraced him. Harry watched him stiffen under the embrace, just as he would have in the years prior to Lia's arrival. With her absence, Severus was quickly regressing back to the repressed man of his memory.

"I'm not allowed to go at all then?" Hermione asked him, pleading with her eyes.

"No," Severus said flatly. "I want you and your daughter safe."

Hermione nodded and sighed. "Alright." She looked at Ron and said, "I'll stay."

"Malfoy Manor was a bust?" Harry asked him, wanting to get the account first hand.

Severus nodded. "About a foot of dust everywhere, no house elves. Rooms and clothes long abandoned, unless she's charmed the Manor to look that way. I seem to remember someone telling me Horace used to do something like that during the war," he said. Harry saw Severus's eyes flick over to the wall behind him.

A fifth, familiar voice called out, "Severus, I hate to interrupt, but I think it's finally time we had that talk." Harry watched the former spy look back up to the portrait of the Headmaster with aversion evident on his face.

"Shut up, Albus, we're busy," he said, scorn leaking into every word spoken.

"Severus, you and I were supposed to talk after the end of the war. But you have avoided being alone with me in this office for over ten years now, much to your detriment."

" _Much to my detriment_?" Severus repeated, looking up at the portrait with a face so full of contempt and mistrust that Harry had to look away, hoping he would never see him make that face again. "Neither Harry nor I have died since I stopped getting instructions from you, so I figure the last decade has been rather successful, wouldn't you think so, Harry?"

Harry spoke to Dumbledore after looking at Severus with unease. "What is it you need to tell him? Can it be discussed with all of us in the room?"

Even though the portrait was only an echo of his living self, much like a ghost, Harry could see the painted blue eyes sparkle with tears, "Harry, my boy, it's been so long since I've seen you."

"I don't have reason to come to Hogwarts anymore, sir. You could visit your portrait in Kingsley's office, you know."

"Even with a Minister who does not leave his head in the sand, I find that I prefer not to get involved in politics," said Dumbledore, a little too loftily for Harry's taste.

"It hasn't been easy to rebuild the government after Voldemort's takeover, sir. Your input could have been invaluable," Harry said irritably.

"Perhaps," Dumbledore sighed. He looked around the room and fixed his gaze on Severus again. He sighed. "Should we break our word, Phineas?"

"He broke his." Phineas Black walked into the portrait with Dumbledore and looked around the room. "And it's time my granddaughter got her memory back."

* * *

"What are you talking about?" Severus asked warily.

"Severus, what I need to tell you pertains to Serena Black. Do you remember that name?" Dumbledore studied his face closely.

"Of course I do, that's Lia's real name," Severus said.

Dumbledore looked at him. "And that's all you have to say about the matter? Do you _remember_ that name, Severus, or was it told to you?"

"What else is there to say?" Severus asked, confused. "And of course it was _told to me_ , Lia and me both by Potter naught a week ago."

"This would be easier if you fixed his memories, Albus," Phineas said with a sigh. "The triggers you set are not working, just as they did not work on her."

"They both should have remembered when Harry defeated the Dark Lord, but I fear that since they both went beyond the veil themselves before the event that we may not be successful at all, without breaking our word at least," Dumbledore said, disappointment weighing down his voice.

"Albus, I would kindly ask you to explain exactly what the hell you and Phineas are discussing," Severus said, his confused voice rising in volume to a near yell.

"Lia told you once that she attempted suicide after her husband passed away, did she not?" asked Dumbledore.

"She did, but how could you know that?"

Dumbledore ignored the question. "Tell me Severus, have you ever seen a picture of Lia's husband, or has she ever described what he looked like? What branch of the military he was in? Any details at all?"

Severus ground his jaw, "No, she has not. She is very private about those matters."

"Hermione, has she told you anything?" Dumbledore asked the pregnant witch when he saw understanding across her face.

"No, sir. But she wouldn't be able to, would she?" She sniffled. "All the memories would be relatively unclear. Like a dream she just woke from. She has all her feelings and emotions intact, but nothing solid to place it to. She probably doesn't even understand it herself," she said, turning to Ron's arms for comfort.

"Do _not_ upset her, Albus," Severus said through clinched teeth.

Dumbledore ignored him and turned his attention to Harry, "What do you remember from your 4th year at Hogwarts?"

"Mostly Voldemort killing Cedric, sir," Harry said icily. "That outweighs everything else."

"What about you, Severus? What do you remember from the year of the Tri-Wizard Tournament?" Dumbledore looked at him with an intense stare.

Severus opened his mouth to answer, then closed it. He hadn't realized how fuzzy his memories were of that year until it was brought up. The events of the Tournament itself were still clear, but everything else was surrounded in a haze.

"Do you even remember why you wear that cuff on your wrist? According to Dilys, you refused to let the Healers remove it even when you were recovering at St. Mungo's."

Severus touched his wrist through his overlong sleeves and shook his head slowly.

"Take it off now, Severus."

He very reluctantly complied with Dumbledore's request, though with great trepidation as it had been on his wrist for … he actually couldn't remember when he first placed it on, or why it was so important for him to wear it. As he held it in his hand, the cuff transfigured itself into a gold band. He saw that there were runes engraved on all sides of it, but he was too compelled to place it on his ring finger to spend the time translating them just yet, though he could not say why. It belonged there, against his skin and close to his heart. And when he placed it on his finger, he felt an overwhelming sense of relief wash over him.

"Minerva?" said Dumbledore. "Can you look inside my private safe? You know the password."

She nodded and said, "Lemon drop".

Dumbledore's portrait swung open, revealing a large safe filled with the former Headmaster's personal items that had not been dispersed after his death.

"What am I looking for, Albus?"

"A package wrapped in brown paper, just next to what's left of Tom Riddle's diary"

She removed what he asked for, and the portrait swung back into place.

"Severus, the contents belong to you," Dumbledore said.

Minerva gave him the package and stood back.

Severus opened it slowly, turning his back to everyone in the room. The first item inside the package was a picture of him and a young woman. Severus still had ebony black hair that looked a little greasy in the lights of the Great Hall. The woman he was dancing with had wild blonde hair that looked like it could break free from the knot on her neck at any moment and wore black dress robes that clung to every single curve of her body. She looked up at him timidly before resting her eyes back to the many buttons on his chest. He looked down at her and smiled when she wasn't looking. Looking at the picture more closely, he realized the woman was Lia, though a younger version of the hidden form that Kreacher unearthed the day they went to the Grimmauld Place to confront Harry.

He looked up at Dumbledore, who urged him to continue. The next item was another picture of he and Lia, encased in crystal glass. From the way the contents of the flat piece of glass occasionally swirled before settling in the frame, he knew it was the rare use of the Pensieve Memoria Charm. They were more crystal clear than any photo could ever be, especially if the wizards or witch's memory who created it was very good. He could see her face perfectly now and realized that she looked like a teenager. It made him very, very nervous that he had somehow violated his professional conduct. She was wearing formal grey dress robes, and he in what had been his best coat from years past. Their hands were bound in red and black cloth. He and Lia were staring at each other with aching intensity, speaking silent words to each other as the room around them filled with light.

He didn't look up when he took the last item from the package. It was a small wand. Ash, he noted. He picked it up and felt a surge of power move through his hands as the wand recognized him.

"Albus?" Severus asked, now almost desperate. "Who was she to me?"

"I _could_ tell you, Severus, since you refuse to see what's in front of you. But, I think Hermione might be able to help you see things for yourself," Dumbledore said.

Hermione nodded, drying her eyes with the sleeve of her robes. "Is it the same incantation that you told me to use on my parents?"

"The very same," Dumbledore confirmed.

Hermione withdrew her wand and approached Severus. She removed the wand and the pictures from his hands, as he had suddenly become immobile as a statue. She placed her wand to his temple, and whispered, "I'm sorry, Severus." She cleared her throat and said, "Resture Cognitato."


	3. Beauxbatons

A/N: Real life is about to go crazy. My boys will return from their Dad's humble abode, and I begin my several day jaunt into supervising the work of others.  
For those who will be seeing fireworks with me tomorrow in this part of the world, Happy 4th. May the mosquitoes not carry you away into that long goodnight.  
(Not mine.)

Chapter 2 – Beauxbatons

 _1994_

Professor Severus Snape could not remember the last time a student had deemed it necessary to bother him during his office hours. The students who needed additional help now always went to their older House mates instead of seeking him out. Even his Slytherin House, who were always loyal to him to a fault, feared to disturb him without the protection of an entire class with them. He was never a warm man, but his previous years of teaching had shown him to be a concerned and marginally approachable, if not an aloof and slightly sarcastic, professor. It had confused the students and faculty both to see his behavior change so greatly when Harry Potter came to Hogwarts.

If only they knew, he thought as he sneered at the mental image of the Boy-Who-Lived. Lily's son. The Boy-Who-Could-Have-Been-His. If only he'd made different choices.

He cleared his mind before he would let those thoughts take any more form. It had never done him any good to dwell in the past too much, despite the number of deep regrets he harbored in his nonexistent heart. Remembering only made him an even nastier piece of work, especially during his mock office hours when a student could, technically, come barging in for help at any time.

He summoned the pot of tea that Bockle'd left by his chair by the fireplace and went to work on his research. He had hopes of perfecting a new paste to lessen the presence of scar tissue by the end of the year, although with the added responsibilities of two additional schools on the grounds, he knew it may be a futile exercise. The notes in front of him were a complete mess of half finished, half begun thoughts. It would indeed be a very long year.

* * *

The knock on the door shocked him so greatly that he almost knocked his parchments off his desk.

"Enter," he said, putting down his quill angrily. He'd just began to make some very good progress with his ideas of dehydrating dittany for added healing properties. Whoever interrupted him was going to get the full effect of his notorious charm.

When a petite young lady, encased in an icy blue Beauxbatons uniform entered the room, he had to remember to shut his mouth before he made a fool out of himself.

"Who are you and what on earth are you doing in my office?" he growled.

The student flushed and snuck a look at one of his more hideous specimens – a pickled Hinkypunk, lantern in hand. She turned a little green before she spun back to look at him. She held her head in a way that reminded him very distinctly of Narcissa Malfoy, and he briefly wondered if they were related. This girl certainly held herself with an attitude that screamed that she came the same kind of money that Cissy did. She had the look of someone who had always been well cared for – healthy unblemished skin, straight white teeth, shiny thick hair, and that elusive glow of someone who was well loved and knew it – but without the haunted eyes of someone who knew times when she had not.

 _In a few years, she would probably be arm candy for a French Ministry official_ , he thought, and he let his lip curl menacingly as he stared at her.

"I was told that if I needed someone to tutor me in Defense that you were the person I needed to speak to," the girl said with a crisply posh accent. She appeared to be undeterred by his malevolent mask.

"You're English?" He said before he could stop himself. But he was curious; he'd been under the impression that the Beauxbatons' students were French or from the continent.

She smiled. "You're pretty sharp, aren't you?" she asked, before she frowned and put her hand over her mouth. He thought he could hear her swear under her breath, but he couldn't be certain.

"Young lady, the next time you address me, you would do well to call me 'Professor' or 'Sir', and never with the attitude that you just displayed. Don't think I won't go to Madam Maxim and report your impertinence." Severus fumed with anger. Though a remote part of him wanted to burst out laughing at her error, he would not take such cheek from any student, let alone one visiting during this idiotic Tri-Wizard Tournament.

"I'm so sorry, sir. I didn't mean to be rude," she apologized quickly. "I have a bad habit of speaking my mind without thinking first."

"Obviously," he said with. He huffed and stood up from his desk, leaning against the bookcase behind it. "Your name."

"Sorry, sir. Miss Selwyn – Lia Selwyn. Professor."

He was shocked. She was a pure-blood – her family was one of the Twenty-Eight. There were three Selwyn's who'd been classmates of his and had later served as Death Eaters along-side him. Before they died in Azkaban, that is.

"What on earth are you doing at Beauxbatons, Miss Selwyn? I went to school with several of your family members when I attended Hogwarts."

Miss Selwyn grinned. "Family tradition on my mother's side, apparently. She went to Beauxbatons, as did her mother. Apparently my great-grandfather had a particular distaste for the Hogwarts Headmaster then." She paused and said boldly, "It could be worse, though. I could be in Durmstrang. Their Headmaster scares me to death."

He scowled at her.

"I suggest that in the future, you keep your thoughts about the faculty members of the other schools here to yourself," he said. "You just bought yourself detention, with me, and I will be speaking to Madame Maxim about your unfortunate inability to hold your tongue. Now, get out of my sight."

"Sir, please," she said. "Can I please talk to you about why I came here?"

He stared at her, daring her to continue.

She nodded and swallowed. "Madame does not allow true Defense Against the Dark Arts to be taught at school. She says it is … _Cela fait une petite difference_." She shook her head with frustration. "But, I don't agree. I read the papers from home. I know something is wrong – I can feel it. I think it could make a very big difference."

Severus walked around to the front of his desk. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen, sir. Old enough to know my mind on such matters, I think," she said.

He chuckled. "One day you will realize how little you know at eighteen, young lady. Why not ask Professor Moody, who is the Defense teacher here. Wouldn't he be a better choice?"

Miss Selwyn didn't answer him. She looked at her hands, and he could see her biting her full lower lip, making it even redder than it already was.

"I asked you a question, Miss Selwyn. You wouldn't like the result of me having to repeat myself," he warned.

"You also disciplined me for my cheek, sir. If I tell you why I won't ask Moody I'll end up with yet another detention," she said, and went back to biting her lip.

Severus himself was having to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling at her. This little chit really didn't know when to shut up, even after being disciplined. He took a deep breath, and said as calmly as he could, "We will discuss your potential tutelage with me tonight at nine o'clock, while you are scrubbing cauldrons. Like a Muggle," he added nastily.

" _Merci beaucoup, professeur_! I look forward to it." Miss Selwyn smiled at him and flew out of the room.

Severus sat down at his desk and heated his cold tea with a Warming Charm. He grinned into it, until he felt a familiar prickling on his left forearm. He unbuttoned his sleeve and yanked it to his elbow. The Dark Mark, which was been grey and vague since the night the Dark Lord killed Lily, had changed. The lines of the snake were now as almost refined as they were the day it had been branded into his skin.

Forgetting his tea and the papers on his desk, he walked straight to the Headmaster's office.

* * *

By the time Severus returned to the dungeons and to his office, it was well past nine o'clock. Peeves had been making himself a nuisance in some of the empty classrooms on the fifth floor which culminated a night of terror when he flew to Sybil's classroom and smashed all of her crystal balls into pieces. It had taken a team comprised of the Heads of House and the Headmaster to talk Sybil out of the corner she'd hidden herself in when the poltergeist started his rampage. Then, there was a huge mess to help clean, since the House-Elves were too wary of the odd Divination teacher to come anywhere near her classroom.

Peeves narrowly missed being booted out of the school. It was only by the intercession of the Bloody Baron, who was still determined to try to get the little being under control, which kept the ancient little ghost from getting the sack.

Severus shook his head with disgust over the whole situation.

He walked to his office, thinking about how good a stiff drink would taste after the events of the evening, when he saw Miss Selwyn sitting on the cold, stone floor next to the entrance. She was asleep; her head was resting against her shoulder as she breathed in that slow, deep rhythm of dreamless slumber. Frowning, he remembered that he had given her a detention in his anger over her cheek. Severus was not normally someone who forgot when he gave a student detention –that he knew of at least. But then again, he doubted anyone would wait for him until … he looked at his pocket watch and realized it was close to ten thirty, and well after curfew.

She was still wearing that ridiculous little satin uniform that Madame Maxime insisted her female students wear, despite the difference in temperature between the south of France and northern Scotland. The dungeons were always especially cold this time of night, and tonight it must have been fifteen degrees in the long tunneled dungeons under Black Lake. He watched her shiver in her sleep, and cursed himself for forgetting about her detention.

Severus squatted next to her with difficulty as his knees were stiff from too many years of scrubbing out his own cauldrons without the use of magic, as he felt it was the only way to truly get them clean. She shivered again, almost violently this time. He shook her shoulder with his hand, trying to rouse her with no success; she was really very deeply asleep. Sighing, he took his wand from his sleeve and said, "Ennervate."

Miss Selwyn's eyes opened immediately. She furrowed her brow like she was trying to remember where she was, then looked directly into his eyes. He hadn't noticed her eyes before when she was in his office. They were dark grey, almost as black as his except that they were softer and flecked with silver. As recognition came to her face, he visibly saw what people meant when they said that someone's eyes smiled – indeed, her eyes lit up with surprising warmth and cheer when she said, "I've been waiting for you, Professor Snape," before shivering again.

He stood slowly, and held a hand out to her. "Come, you'll catch your death out here if you aren't careful," he said as her hand slipped into his and she stood as well. Her shivering continued to the point that he heard her teeth chattering together. He walked her into his office, waving his wand at the fire to stoke up the flames higher.

"Sit," he commanded, pointing to the high backed leather armchair next to the fireplace. She nodded and sat down in it, holding her hands out to the hearth and rubbing them together. He rummaged around in his desk and found some medicinal chocolate he kept on hand in case of accidents or his occasional bad dreams and handed it to her. She looked at it suspiciously before she accepted it.

"Medicinal chocolate, Miss Selwyn. It'll warm you up better than a cup of tea would," he said.

She nodded and opened up the sweet, popping it in her mouth. He saw some color appear in her pale cheeks after she swallowed, and the constant movement in her hands and body finally stilled.

"Thank you, Professor," she said. "I had forgotten about that use for it. Some Healer I'm going to make one day."

He frowned and stood next to her, summoning his spare teaching robes and covering her with them like a blanket.

"Why didn't you leave when it was apparent that I wasn't coming?"

She looked down to where her hands would be under his robes and sighed. "I was afraid of getting into more trouble, sir. And the next thing I knew, I was awake, and you were there."

"Next time, if a Hogwarts teacher who promises you a detention does not show in thirty minutes, please know that you are free to leave," he said. Before he knew what he was doing, he tucked a piece of her curly blond hair behind her ear. He froze when he'd realized what he'd done, then marched to his desk, keeping his eyes on the parchment of abandoned notes from earlier in the day. "You are dismissed, Miss Selwyn," he said, taking a seat in his chair.

Severus picked up his quill and tried to pick up where he left off in his thoughts, but couldn't when he realized she hadn't left and that she was still staring at him from his favorite chair.

"I said you were dismissed," he reminded her.

"What about discussing your tutoring me in Defense?" she asked, finally standing up, though she kept his robes around her and stayed very close to the fire.

He sighed and put down his quill, finally looking up at her again. "Every day at four o'clock I have office hours. No one, with the exception of yourself, has bothered me during those hours in the last three years. If you would like lessons and are brave enough to bother me again during that time, I won't refuse you."

" _Merci, mon Professeur. Vous ne le regretterez pas, je le promets,"_ she said, putting his robes back down on the chair.

"Merlin's beard, Miss Selwyn, please wear those back to your carriage. You'll freeze to death in that little slip you call a dress," he commanded harshly, before he calmed himself enough to add, "You may bring them back tomorrow, but wear some warmer clothes if you are to spend any time in the dungeons."

She nodded, saying, " _Merci_ ," one last time before she covered herself in his robes and left his office.

When the door shut he lowered his head to the desk and began banging his forehead on it, slightly, until he saw a large spot of grease on the first page his notes.

 _Shit_


	4. Lavender

A/N: I watched "A Little Chaos" today. Haven't seen it? Go rent it on Amazon or iTunes. It's really that good.  
As ever, not mine. Resource for flower language comes from www languageofflowers com/index htm (put in a period where I have a space)

Chapter 3 - Lavender

Severus found his extra set of teaching robes on his chair the next day when he came to his office after class, but the young Miss Selwyn was not there with it. He gathered the robes in his hands, feeling that they were still warm from being held close to her body. Something familiar tickled his nose, and against his better judgement he lowered it to the black fabric.

 _Lavender._

It was always one of his more favored scents on women, though many did not wear it anymore. The last time he'd visited Diagon Alley, he mistakenly walked into Madam Malkin's and was overwhelmed with the scents of perfumes that smelled remarkably like candy. It put him off so greatly that he glowered at the nervous assistant who tried in vain to help him back to the exit of the store. He had a sweet tooth as notorious as his insomnia, but he preferred the scent of sweets to stay in his pantry rather than be applied to the skin of a woman.

While studying for his Apprenticeship, he'd taken a keen interest in the ancient form expressing ones emotions with flowers, though it was a practice he would never have the need to engage in if he could help himself. It was something that Muggles and Wizards both seemed to share – the need to express their emotions in something other than words. Though he'd never been a man of few words, he was a man of few _kind_ words. Back then, in his youth, he'd hoped that learning the language of flowers might indeed persuade him to speak with a little more gentility.

Alas, that idea was a lost hope.

However, as shown the day he first spoke to Harry Potter in class, speaking in code could be a bit useful. As much as he despised the James Potter look alike, he couldn't help but be shaken when he'd looked into his eyes and saw that they had remained the exact replica of Lily's own dark green ones. Though he'd decided to shamelessly embarrass the boy, if possible, he wanted to figure out a way to … what? Apologize was not the right word, though regret was. And so, he expressed his deepest regret about Lily's death while attempted to show everyone what a little idiot he was, just like his father and so little like Lily.

 _His Lily_. Purity and sweetness; beauty and elegance.

However, much he adored his Lily, lilies had never been the scent he smelled when he meticulously brewed Amortentia for his NEWTs classes year after year. That scent was now captured in his robes, which he immediately took to his rooms to be laundered by Bockle.

 _Lavender._ Serenity, grace, and calmness. But also distrust, not for the flower itself, but for the ground it springs from.

Severus shook his head, clearing it of the scent as well as of the thoughts slowing spinning around. He walked back into his office, and sat down, glad he had his research to occupy his thoughts and keep him company.

When he was not disturbed at all that day, he couldn't help but feel a little unsettled. It wasn't that she hadn't shown up. It was the fact the he'd wanted her to.

* * *

It took the fair haired Miss Selwyn a full week to appear in his office at four o'clock. After a full seven days of only seeing her in the Great Hall, where she was more occupied by laughing at the little, insipid conversations of her classmates than meeting the occasional glance he cast her way.

Severus was still worrying over the Arithmancy calculations for dehydrating the concentrated form of liquid Dittany. It was the dullest part of creating a new potion, but a necessary evil. When he heard the knock on his office door he swore, loudly, as he was at a crucial point in the equation.

"ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK," he yelled at whoever was outside, hoping it would scare off anyone other than Albus or Minerva.

He sighed when he heard the door open. When he saw Miss Selwyn, this time more appropriately dressed for the dungeons in a long wool skirt, jumper, and heavy travelling robes, he bit not only the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling, but also his tongue to keep from scaring her away.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to take you up on your offer, Professor," she said, staring again at the preserved Hinkypunk before turning her eyes back to his. "I've had a slight problem with my afternoon schedule."

Severus let go of his tongue. "And what would that be?" he asked, lowering his eyes back to his equations before setting them aside for the day.

Lia smiled warily. "Someone let my Headmistress know about my 'insolent, impudent behavior', so I've been serving afternoon detentions with her to get a better grasp on 'decorum and poise' when in difficult situations." Her lips twitched a little, and she took a seat in the chair in front of his desk.

"So, how well has that worked out for you, Miss Selwyn?" he asked.

She cocked her head to the side. "I'll only tell you if I have permission to speak freely, without being disciplined for my cheek."

Severus chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully before he answered. "Speak freely, then."

The grimace she gave provided him with enough answer, though her words entertained him to no end, "Not very bloody well at all, sir. Try learning eloquence and poise from a woman the size of a giant. It's like taking ballet lessons from a troll."

He leaned his head back so that she couldn't see his grin. "Where on Earth do you get your mouth from, Miss Selwyn?"

"My mother," she said. "She always encouraged me to speak my own mind in all matters. Though I curse a little too much for her taste, she enjoys hearing my opinions."

"May I ask what you think about Hogwarts having two Champions in the Tournament instead of the allotted one?" he requested, wanting to hear what would come out of her mouth.

Lia snorted unattractively. "Hogwarts had one Champion. I don't consider runty little boys to be in the same category as the three real Champions," she scoffed.

"And do you have an opinion on Hogwarts itself, this school that you were not allowed to attend due to family tradition?" Severus asked as he stood up from his desk, circling around to stand directly in front of her.

She shifted in her chair uneasily.

"Cat got your tongue?" he said mockingly.

"No," she replied. She looked up at him, directly into his black eyes. "I wish I had been able to come here as a student. Being here now makes me see how much I've missed, how much all the women in my family have missed, by being sent away. I like your Headmaster; he seems like he understands things better than most other Wizards."

Severus nodded, though he did not completely agree with the last statement about Albus.

"May I ask you a question, sir?" she asked, her voice very soft and nervous.

"If you want an answer it depends on the question," he replied, thinking it was a very Slytherin response if he ever heard one. He watched her consider the answer before she spoke.

"Why are you allowing me to speak so freely now?" she asked.

He drummed his fingers on the desk behind him, pondering both the question and the answer before he spoke. "I find you very intriguing, Miss Selwyn. You show that you have intelligence, though you don't yet know how to control your words. But, you also have learned how to think for yourself, which is a quality lacking in many of the students I come across." He paused, watching her face for a reaction. When he saw that her face remained as puzzled at it was when he asked the question, he finished, "Those are all qualities that I don't dislike; therefore, when you are in my presence and we are alone, you may speak as you wish."

"I would like that very much," she said.

"And would you like to start your first lesson in Defense?"

She grinned. "Absolutely."


	5. Decorum

A/N: My kids survived, and so have I. As always, I wish this playground could be mine.

Chapter 4 – Decorum

 _1957_

"Darius, I don't know why you let that recalcitrant half-blood call on Elena night after night. You'll put off potential good suitors for her."

"I don't think so, Bianca. I think he _is_ a good suitor for her." Darius was readying for the night's meeting, dressing carefully as his wife was readying for bed.

"How can you say that? You wish to sully the line with someone of limited birth?" Bianca was brushing her hair, a little too forcefully as he could hear the hair snap and snarl in brush in her hands.

"His birth is not as limited as you think, Bianca. His family are-" he looked around the room, which was empty save for himself and his wife. Deciding not to risk the house-elves overhearing him, Darius whispered the name in her ear.

He watched his wife's eyes widen. "Are you sure?"

Daruis nodded.

"Well," she said, hiding a small grin as she looked at herself in the mirror. "I guess that could make up for his lack of paternal standing." She turned to look at her husband again. "Just make sure he's quick about asking. If he's not serious, then he needs to move along. And if he needs one, we can give him my mother's ring if that will help him finalize his intentions."

Darius grinned and kissed the top of his wife's head. "That's my girl," he said.

He walked to the back of his closet and pulled out the heavy dark robes and mask, putting on the robes and saving the mask for later, at the meeting itself. He met Bianca at the door. She held out the small box for him, and he put it securely in his pocket.

"You will give it to him tonight at the meeting?" she asked him.

He nodded, patting the pocket that held her mother's ring.

"When will you return?" she asked him, plucking one of her bright hairs from the black robes.

"I cannot be sure. But, I will wake you to let you know I am home," he replied, as he pulled the hood over his head.

"Thank you, my husband," she whispered, placing a chaste kiss to his lips.

Bianca watched him Disapparate from the room. She went back to readying for bed, humming to herself softly.

The coup of her only daughter, her only child, marrying into such an old family name pleased her. Although the name had been damaged by some unfortunate visits to Azkaban, it could all be forgiven with this promising young man. He was a rising member within the Knights already, the right hand to her husband – who was the right hand to Cygnus, her cousin by marriage who had created the society.

It would be a good match, indeed. It could cement both of their Houses within the Twenty-Eight. Even if his ancient line could not be revived by name, it would continue in blood.

Beautiful, pure blood.

* * *

 _1994_

 _Dear Mum,_

 _I was so sorry to miss your last Floo call. Things have been very busy in the last week since I started lessons with Professor Snape, starting with the week's worth of detention I earned for smarting off to him. I still can't believe he went to Madame, even after I almost froze on the stone floor waiting for him to finally remember that I had a detention with_ _him_ _._

 _The lessons are going well, I think, except that now I have even less of the precious free time I used to enjoy. It really is beautiful here, mother. I know I shouldn't complain about attending school in southern France, but I really do adore the grounds of Hogwarts. I wish you could come visit sometime. I don't know why you insist on adhering to the wishes of your great-grandfather. I'm here and the world hasn't split open and taken me in, has it? Come visit. The students say Hogsmeade is a lovely little village, and surely that could be a compromise, right? It wouldn't be like you were actually on the grounds. The next visit is a little bit after Halloween. Just think about it for me._

 _Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons are extremely interesting. Professor Snape is so knowledgeable and was the best choice of tutor in my own opinion. He's teaching me defensive spells to start off with. Why Madame refuses to have this taught in school I don't think I'll ever understand. This is useful, this is needed, this is necessary in the world we live in. I don't need to know how to dance –I need to learn how to fight! And I am learning how to do that, finally. Professor Snape says that he will do what he can, when he can, but I think he enjoys the lessons as much as I do. One of the Hogwarts students I've gotten friendly with told me that he's wanted to teach the course for years but the Headmaster won't let him for some reason. How terrible! I know he's a Potions Master and that he is a very good instructor, but I can't imagine him teaching Potions with the same passion he does Defense – if he does the students here are lucky indeed._

 _Except … I hear most of the students don't like him. Apparently he can be a bit nasty if the mood hits him right. I guess I've gotten that treatment myself, although it seems like he is trying to make up for it now. I haven't really made any friends among the Hogwarts students – there's a boy who is interested in talking to me sometimes after dinner, but most of what I hear about the school and about Professor Snape is from the conversations that occur around me at mealtimes and in the halls after classes. Thank goodness they are letting us use the empty classrooms for class – sometimes at night I think if I look around the insides of the carriage one more time I'll start to scream! I think it's one of the reasons I'm enjoying the tutoring so much. We meet in his office, but he says that if I ever get good enough to duel, we'll have to meet in a bigger room later in the day. Won't that be grand!_

 _I miss you, mother. I'll be so glad when I can finally return to the Manor for good after graduation. I know you have hinted you would be okay with me getting an apartment in London for my apprenticeship, but would it be okay if I stayed home for just a year? St. Mungo's can connect our Floo to theirs easily, and then I can come and go without worry._

 _I'm off to class. I have to take an extra Elocution, Dance, and Decorum class in addition to last week's detentions for the rest of the term thanks to my slip. Seriously, mum. You think I'd threatened to walk around the school in nothing but my knickers the way she's reacted to this. Graduation can't come soon enough. At least Professor Snape doesn't seem to mind my cheek anymore, now that he's gotten to know me a little better. It'll make my last year the most bearable one yet._

 _Love and hugs,_

 _Lia_

 _P.S. Do you think my father knew Professor Snape? I keep meaning to ask._

* * *

 _My Dearest Cordelia,_

 _I miss you too, greatly. Yes, by all means if you want to live at home after you graduate, you are welcome here with open arms. I mentioned it to Jibby last night, and she started crying so that I almost put her over the garden plants for a good water. I_ _might_ _come to Hogsmeade for a visit. I will have to think about that. I know you think my decision to stay loyal to Grandfather Crabbe's wishes is old-fashioned, but I must do what I must do. There's a lot to be said for family tradition and honoring the wishes of those who passed before you. Maybe one day you'll understand that. It's enough that you're having to spend your last year there, but there was really no way around it, and Madame gave me no choice in the matter, so there you are. I hope he's not fuming at us from the grave about it._

 _I would like to remind you not to speak of your father or our family to Professor Snape or to anyone else for that matter. Please mind my request, dearest girl._

 _I'm sorry that you are having trouble making friends outside of the school, but perhaps that is for the best. There's always been a rivalry between the three, and you may do better staying within your smaller group of friends for now._

 _So, tell me about the boy?_

 _Love,_

 _Mum_

* * *

 _Dear Mum,_

 _I will respect your wishes. And I won't argue the point anymore, I promise._

 _I keep missing you at the Floo – everything has gotten very hectic! I'm glad for the owls. If I can't find Persephone, Professor Snape says I can use his or one of the Hogwarts owls so that I can write to you. I think I rather have enjoyed the letter writing so far._

 _So. The boy. He's a twin, a bit of a troublemaker, and extremely intelligent -_ _but I don't think that he lives up to his potential at all. We don't get to talk all that much, but when we do he seems very kind. He's in Gryffindor._

 _Professor Snape was a Slytherin, just like Dad, did you know that? Will it be disrespecting your wishes to go to the school's Trophy Room to look at my father's pictures? I'll be discreet, I swear._

 _Anyways, the boy does have a name, which is George Weasley. He's going to take me to Hogsmeade next trip. Am I old enough to date yet, do you think? Haha._

 _Must be off. I have to go to dance class. I'm going to be really glad when I don't report to Madame anymore. Surely the Healers won't make me dance if I lose control of my tongue. Oh gods, mum, what if they do?_

 _Love and kisses,_

 _Lia_

* * *

 _Dearest Cordelia,_

 _Just be careful with your heart, that's all I ask. I know you will be; you are much more practical about that than I think I give you credit for. He's a Gryffindor … gods, your father is probably screaming from the heavens over that. The Weasley's are a good family, very loyal and kind. Distant cousins of ours, but who isn't anymore?_

 _Have you had the trip to Hogsmeade? How was it?_

 _Yes, I know Professor Snape was a Slytherin. We do live in a small world, dear. I'd wager if you'd gone to Hogwarts, you probably would have sorted Slytherin as well, as would I for that matter. Those in our family who did attend Hogwarts, with the exception of your uncle, were Slytherins, and they say that the Sorting Hat takes your heritage into consideration when it makes its decision. Maybe that's a good thing._

 _By all means, go search out the pictures of your father, but do be discreet. Are his the only pictures you'd be seeking out? If so, don't forget that he played Quidditch, so go find the team picture and plaque as well as his graduation picture. If that's the only one you're looking for, dear._

 _Life is very dull around here lately. Your Aunt has been busy, so there's been little company. I'm lonely, and Jibby is terrible company. I can't wait for the holidays to come so that I can have my little baby girl home with me._

 _Owl me the date of your next trip to Hogsmeade. I promise I'll come._

 _Love always,_

 _Mum_

* * *

 _Dear Mum,_

 _The next Hogsmeade outing is December 3_ _rd_ _. PLEASE COME. Because … don't hurt me, George asked me to the Yule Ball, and I said yes only if you were okay with me coming home late. It's on Christmas Night, but Madame says that she will let me come home afterwards. Is it okay if we have Christmas one day late? Please?_

 _A ball Mum. BALL. I can finally show off my amazing dancing skills to the world, haha._

 _There's a dress shop in Hogsmeade … fun mother/daughter event …_

 _You think I would have been a Slytherin? Interesting. George seems to think I would have been in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw. He's positive I would not be a Gryffindor, which is good because Professor Snape seems to hate Gryffindors to pieces. And I rather like him and would want him to still like me if I were a student here. Lessons are going amazingly. He's going to let me duel him after Christmas. A little nervous about that. He's apparently quite good, if his opinion on things counts, which I am pretty sure they do. George said he put the Defense teacher on his back in a duel a couple of years ago._

 _I really enjoy spending the afternoons with him. He's so intelligent, Mum. I didn't think I'd ever be friends with a teacher, but I guess I've missed out on a lot by not doing so. He makes me feel at ease around him, when he's not be a nasty piece of work at least. He gave me detention last week for not remembering the Shield Charm. AND I'M NOT REALLY EVEN HIS STUDENT. Do you know how disgusting cleaning cauldrons is? Merlin's teeth, I'm glad Professeur Baudin hasn't caught on to that idea._

 _YULE BALL, Mum._

 _Owl back as fast as you can._

 _Love you, and I'm not a baby girl, I'm eighteen for goodness sake._

 _Lia_

* * *

 _Dearest Cordelia,_

 _Of course you can stay to go to the Yule Ball. LOADS OF PICTURES FOR ME. Please. We'll just celebrate everything else a day off. It's just us, so we can do whatever we want, as always._

 _I will be at Hogsmeade of December 3_ _rd_ _to take you shopping at Gladrags. I did my homework too. Meet me there at eleven o'clock, and we can have a little lunch after._

 _We can talk then about how much you enjoy spending time with the intelligent Professor Snape, young lady._

 _Love you darling,_

 _Mum_

 _P.S. Are you studying for your NEWTs?_


	6. Bleak

A/N: So fine, so fine, not mine.

Chapter 5 - Bleak

There were many things in his life that Severus Snape could say that he completely had a hatred for.

Harry Potter would be the first one that came to his mind these days, but he was beginning to wonder if it was only because he looked so much like that idiotic father of his. Potter actually showed himself to be slightly less stupid than Severus thought he was during the First Task.

The second thing that came to mind would be his Dark Mark, which was getting more pronounced every single day. It had all but faded away after the First War, when part of him had hoped that neither it nor its master would ever return again. However, after the culmination of Potter's first year at Hogwarts, that dream had turned out to be just that – a fancy of his youth.

Hogsmeade visits weren't usually the third thing that came to mind. However, on a day like today, when the snow was several inches deep and there were carolers singing at every corner of the quaint little village, he almost wanted to go hang himself in the Shrieking Shack just to get away from it.

He detested Christmas. It had been the only holiday his father actually liked, which made Severus hate it all the more. His abusive, neglectful, philandering, pious father would drag him and his mother to church every Christmas night to listen to the story of a baby savior. The night would then end with him in his cold little bed, listening to the man who wept in church defeat his mother with his words and fists. It made him want to vomit then, and it made him want to vomit all the more now – especially since he was involved on a daily basis of the protection of a child savior himself, one predicted in prophecy and all but prayed for by their world.

The Christmas celebrations and decor at Hogwarts were even worse than what this little village produced, but at least he could escape to the solitude of the dungeons and his office when it got to be too much. This year, he had a feeling he would be spending more time there than naught. With the other schools present, Dumbledore was making sure that Hogwarts was at a most spectacular exhibition of ludicrousness. The suits of armor were even going to be charmed to sign carols from what he'd heard from Filius. He shuddered at the thought.

He paced through the streets like a prowling cat, looking for errant students and troublemakers. On a day like today, reducing the number of rubies in the Gryffindor hour glass could make things at least slightly more bearable.

So could seeing a certain young blond woman.

 _No._

He'd been chasing away wayward thoughts about _her_ for weeks. Just the thought of her delicate little hands and the warmth her body close to his during lessons made his pulse race and his groin throb mercilessly.

 _Eighteen, Severus. Almost half your age._

He at least had developed the insight to see that he had a habit of becoming hung up on any woman who gave him the slightest bit of notice. Of which, to date, there were exactly two who had done so, and one of them was the lovely women who was invading his thoughts. The other had been dead for so long sometimes he wondered if she was real or if he'd just imagined her in his desperation for a friend … until he looked into Potter's eyes and saw the proof that she had existed.

After her rejection of him in Gryffindor Tower he'd lost his virginity, such as it was, to Bellatrix Black. Now he could only describe it as a pity fuck more than anything else. It had been brief and humiliating – an altogether painful experience both physically and emotionally. There had been other women, many other women in the years since, but they were the kind of women who smelled of cheap perfume and tasted of other men. None of them ever smelled of lavender, nor did they smile up at him sweetly or make him laugh at their candor.

He walked to the alley behind Gladrags to calm himself. Occulomency skills could only cover so many things, and the reaction of his body to his lustful thoughts about her was not one of them.

After counting to one hundred as slowly as he possibly could, he was able to again think like to the completely rational and practical person he knew himself to be. Everything had a time and a place, and having any kind of reaction or feelings about Miss Selwyn shouldn't have either. He'd never been the kind of man who cared what the world thought about him, but he did actually care about his career as a teacher. There was also the matter of protecting Potter, and any distraction could cause him to lose sight of the harm that could come his way. He'd been so preoccupied of late that he hadn't noticed his stores of Boomslang Skin diminishing until this past week when he'd needed it for a practical exam in his NEWTs class.

He was never careless; always methodical, practiced, focused and on guard.

Except for now. His mind constantly slipped into thoughts of his time with her, replaying every moment until the memory of her was etched into his mind. He tucked the thoughts away, hiding them from himself as far back as he could.

Sliding into the cool calm of his occluded thoughts, he sighed and leaned against the back of the building. As if on cue, the back door opened and musical laughter floated out into the alleyway.

 _Her_ laughter.

Severus groaned now, the sound almost making him sound as though he were in pain. It wasn't too far from the truth at this point.

He walked around to the front of the building in time to watch her leave. Even though her back was to him, he knew it was her, for only she walked as though she were merely gliding over the ground with the grace of a dancer. She was wearing her black traveling cloak, which made her hair look even lighter in contrast. He watched as she turned her head back to the door, her profile almost angelic in the soft light cast by the snow around her. When a hooded figure walked out of the store to join her, her face lit up in joy so brightly he almost had to look away. He felt himself tense when she took the figure's hand, but relaxed when he saw that the hand in hers was very female – small and fine boned just like her own. Then she turned away, and he watched the pair walk down the street into the falling snow.

He hadn't meant to follow them, but somehow he ended up at their destination of The Three Broomsticks. He told himself it was only to make sure she and her companion made it there safely. At least, that's what he wanted to believe himself. When she walked into the building and was out of sight, reality washed over him as heavy as spring rain, and he cursed so loudly several heads spun around to look at him. He merely glowered in response and returned to his normal rounds of the village.

Severus took no fewer than eighty points from Gryffindor and Ravenclaw by the time the outing was over. Unfortunately, for the first time in recent memory it didn't make him feel any better.

* * *

"Name two uses of the Shield Charm that do not involve personal protection from an attack."

Miss Selwyn's eyes narrowed slightly as she was deep in thought before she smiled and answered.

"Protego Totalum can be used to enforce other defenses that are placed on a stationary object, such as a home. Protego Horribilis takes that action one step futher and protect the area specifically against Dark Magic. When used together they can make an area impenetrable to an attack." She smirked to herself. "How was that?"

"Better than half the NEWTs students your age," he admitted, somewhat grudgingly, though he was proud of her – even more so since the answer was not memorized line for line from a book. "Name two binding spells useful for duels."

"Relashio and Incarcerous. Did you go to Hogsmeade last visit, Professor Snape?" she asked, diverting her gaze to one of his newest and more horrifying acquisitions on his specimen wall – the eye of a unicorn. She gasped and looked back to him quickly.

He ignored her question. "Three fire spells, Miss Selwyn."

The school was almost at the end of term, and due to their combined exam schedules they had not been able to meet since before the trip to Hogsmeade at the beginning of the month. As it was, today she'd bustled into his office, telling him she only had thirty minutes before a study session with the rest of her classmates for her _Classe de L'Astromie_. But, that had been an hour ago and she still showed no sign of leaving.

"Incendio, Fiendfyre, and technically Flagrante, sir," she replied. "I just thought that I'd heard you say you were chaperoning for the last trip is all, and I was there and didn't see you."

He scowled at her, still refusing to answer. "The three Unforgivable Curses."

"The Cruciatus Curse, the Imperious Curse, and the Killing Curse. Crucio, Imperio, and …" Lia trailed off before she whispered nervously, " _Avada Kedavra_."

"You can't cast the curse by accident by just saying the words," he sneered, leaning back in the chair of his desk. He watched her relax in her own chair across from him after taking deep breath.

"I know, sir," she said, looking a little embarrassed. "I just hope it's a curse I never have to use. I hate having to know it."

"Let's hope you wouldn't need to use it," he replied. "Azkaban is no place for a lady from a good family like yourself."

He watched color rise to her cheeks. "I guess not," she replied. "It wasn't a place for my well-bred cousins, either, but it's amazing what can happen when you are influenced by the overwhelming scent of power."

Severus closed his eyes and inwardly groaned. He'd momentarily forgotten that two of her cousins, Henry and Aleksander, were sent to Azkaban for use of the Killing Curse against Muggles in the War. He watched her stand up from her chair and brush her hands against her skirt before she walked to the fire.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Miss Selwyn, I really – "

"Sir, I just need a minute, please," she said softly.

"Why?" he asked. He walked over to her next to the fire and waited for her to speak.

The silver in her deepest grey eyes caught the light and they almost seemed to glow, but when she looked up he could see the unshed tears in her eyes. She shook her head. "Don't make me talk about my cousins, sir," she said. "It makes my heart hurt, even if I never got to know them well."

"You'd be hard pressed to find a Slytherin who didn't have a family member who didn't serve time there or who was at least detained there during the War," he said. He could have counted himself in that group had it not been for Dumbledore's protection. Resisting the urge to grab one of her little hands within his own to comfort her, he motioned for her to sit. Her body stiffened when she leaned against the chair back, and she rubbed her left shoulder with her hand.

"Did it affect your family too?" she asked. He watched her frown to herself. "Sorry, I didn't mean to ask such a personal question, Professor Snape."

He weighed what he could tell her, if indeed he decided he would tell her anything about himself at all. It wasn't necessary, and she'd already taken the question back. It certainly wasn't any of her business. However, in the end, he decided to be as frank with her as she was with him. Heaven help him.

"I'm an only child of only children, and have no family left on either side of my family. I was the only person to get involved in the War, and I was lucky not to be detained myself," he said, looking at the embers of the dying fire instead of her gentle face.

"Were you a Death Eater?" she asked.

Severus could feel her staring at him, even though he refused to look up. He made no attempt to probe her mind, but he could sense her thoughts racing wildly with questions. This was the moment that could finally end this idiotic mess he had himself in. By telling her, he could ensure that she would want nothing more to do with him. One world, and he could finally be as he was before: solitary, methodical, cold, and isolated.

No more chaos. No more riotous curls that constantly tried to escape from their confines. No more silvery eyes that glowed.

No more Miss Selwyn.

Back to his bleak, black existence.

"Yes."


	7. Soft

A/N: I'm a bit late pointing out 3 things: this version of the 4th year is more in keeping with the movie, so consider as such; oh, this has a sort of teacher student romance, but as Severus reminds himself constantly (so he can remind me, who first screamed "No!" when this plot just kept happening) she's 18 and not a Hogwarts student; and, whereas I was once fluently French speaking as a second language, my now French stinks. I can read it but not write it anymore without help, so I'm using Google Translate which looks kinda ok to my Southern Belle eye, so if anyone can improve me, do so!

Chapter 6 - Soft

The night would be remembered as the night Hermione Granger went to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum, among the students of Hogwarts at least. Amongst most of the faculty too, with the exception of one Potions Master.

Severus sat at the one of the lantern lit tables with the rest of the Hogwarts professors. He decided that if he heard Minerva praise the little know-it-all's transformation one more time that he would throw his glass of wine directly at her. Not that Pomona or Sinistra were any less infuriating about the matter. It was one of the few times he wished that he actually had someone other than the Headmaster to whom he could direct some of his more discourteous thoughts.

Black eyes wandered around the room, watching the students as they tried their best to act civilized during this event. He noted with pride that his Slytherins were faring the best. Apparently one of the few commendable things about being raised in a Pure-blood home was a decent set of table manners. Even Crabbe and Goyle were doing better than half the Hufflepuff house. He looked at Ron Weasley and amended his thoughts slightly as he watched the sleeve of the ginger idiot's God awful dress robes land squarely into a pot of gravy.

Severus was scanning the back of the hall when he saw her slip through the doors, a little late as usual.

The sight made him forget about everything else around him, including Minerva's terrible hat.

Miss Selwyn's curly, fair hair was gathered in a style that was so haphazard that if she sneezed her hair would be a complete loss. He'd wanted to see her hair down for so long that he was tempted to take out his wand and make it happen. When he realized his hand had in fact reached for his wand, he took a deep breath and cleared his thoughts, then looked at her again with calm eyes. Her ivory skin was very pale, like alabaster, against the black silk dress robes that encased her body so sensually that he wondered how Madame Maxim had let her get away with wearing them. She was more covered, he supposed, than Fleur Delacour was in her skimpy silver robes. But, to Severus, there was nothing as titillating as the guessing game of what could be underneath the robes that skimmed and covered her body like a well fitted pair of gloves. The outline of her breasts and backside looked so inviting that he felt himself twitch in his dress pants.

He'd so hoped that when she found out that he had indeed been a Death Eater that she would run screaming in the other direction and never look back. Severus never dreamed that she would burst into tears, not out of fear or hatred for him, but because the thought of _him_ having once been a Death Eater, being someone who she "respected" so much, made her realize that anyone could make an error in judgement and be able to redeem themselves.

Miss Selwyn had actually cried tears for his useless, worthless soul. The thought made him ill at the time, and he'd had to send her away before he buried himself in a bottle of Firewhisky to soothe the ache she left behind. It had been the last time he'd seen her, before tonight. And still he craved her, now more than ever.

 _Student_! His subconscious mind screamed at him yet again.

 _Not my student_ , he argued back. _Not my student, not a student of this school, and of age_. He shifted in his chair, uncomfortably trying to relieve some of the pressure in his groin.

 _Still a student, you pathetic old man._

He sighed, and tried to tear his eyes away from her. She was scanning the room herself, her eyes searching the crowd until they rested on him. And when they did, he saw her ruby colored mouth break into a shy grin.

He returned her smile with a cautious one of his own.

"Who is that?" asked Pomona to Minerva, pointing at Miss Selwyn with interest.

Severus looked away from her and resumed his usual scowl. He hoped that no one at the table had caught him ogling her. He discretely adjusted himself again and willed his body back into submission.

" _Bonsoir, professeurs. Il est une telle nuit magnifiquement neigeux d'avoir un tel gala. N'est-ce pas_?" she said. She looked at Severus shyly. She walked very close to him, her fingers almost grazing his back, as she walked her seat a few table away.

Severus had needed to learn French out of necessity when apprenticing to be a Potion's Master with bad tempered supporter of the Dark Lord from Nice. Monsieur Anjou easily regressed to his first language when he was angry or frustrated.

Miss Selwyn had the same tendency to revert to French, though it was her second language, when she was nervous or had something to hide.

He quickly realized that his colleagues had not received even the basic knowledge of the language when they looked at her retreating form suspiciously.

"Beauxbatons," Minerva, Sinistra, and Pomona sniffed in unison, and continued their previous adulations of Miss Granger's transformation.

Severus watched her as she sat at one of the student tables with a group of Hufflepuff and Gryffindor 6th years. The boy she sat next to had very bright ginger hair that was overlong and scruffy. He narrowed his eyes when he realized that it was one of the Weasley twins. His eyes turned into slits when he saw the boy lazily put his arm around her shoulder.

The nastier side of his subconscious was now having a field day.

 _Of course she doesn't like you, Snivellus Greasy_. _Why would she when she could be with a popular, handsome young Pureblood like one of the twins. Who would want the old bat professor? Pathetic greasy git._

He stood up suddenly, cutting off the monologue that was being voiced by someone who sounded a lot like James Potter.

"Severus, what's wrong?" asked Minerva

"Nothing," he said, "I thought I saw one of the students throwing food."

He remembered where he was and cleared his mind as he took his seat again. His eyes went right back to Miss Selwyn, however, and like a glutton for punishment he watched as the boy grabbed her hand and laced his fingers with hers.

His thoughts were interrupted by cheers as the lights on the tables dimmed and the Weird Sisters appeared on stage, playing their horrendous brand of music. The Champions went to the floor to dance first, followed the rest of the students. He felt sick when he watched her with the twin, who he decided was George, dancing to the first dance, an affected waltz that Minerva had insisted the students learn. George lifted her off the ground, and she looked a little panicked until he could see that her feet were once again firmly on the dance floor. When the music picked up, and she started dancing in a way that showcased her seductive body, he decided that he could not take another minute of the slow torture. He stood up, this time not as abruptly to cause concern from his colleagues, and decided it would be a good time to start his rounds. Taking points from delinquent students would take his mind off this predicament, even if it was only a temporary fix.

* * *

After two hours of pulling students out of bushes and docking all the houses, including Slytherin, at least one hundred points for their lewd behavior, Severus had finally done enough damage to the evening to clear his mind sufficiently of his little problem regarding Miss Selwyn.

He had just spoken to Dumbledore about his and Igor's Marks darkening further and was still fuming at the last comment the Headmaster had made.

 _Sort too soon, indeed_. _As though the hat doesn't understand the basic fundamentals of the student's fiber better than they do themselves._

Severus was a Slytherin and proved it more and more with the years after he had played both sides of the War and served two masters. Had he not shown a supreme amount of cunning and resourcefulness, and even ambition now that he was Head of House?

Gryffindors aren't the only house who get to be brave and courageous. Look who the Goblet of Fire chose to be the school's real champion. Not a Gryffindor – a friendly and loyal Hufflepuff.

* * *

He walked back into the Great Hall, which he had assumed to be empty since it was almost midnight. He made a quick scan of the room to make sure the students hadn't found a dark corner to snog in. Celestina Warbeck was playing on the wireless. When he scanned the tables, he saw her sitting in the seat he had occupied earlier in the evening. Miss Selwyn's hair had managed to stay secure, and she looked a little flushed. He walked a few steps closer, and realized that she was running her fingertips over the fork he'd used during dinner.

She stilled as he drew nearer to her, as though she sensed his presence as acutely as he had begun to sense hers. Their eyes met when she looked up, and she smirked at him as she quickly pulled her hand into her lap.

"Been busy, Professor?" she asked.

"Perhaps," he said. He finished his scan of the room and saw that the room was truly empty, except for the two of them. He sat down in the seat next to her. "Did you enjoy the company of Mr. Weasley this 'beautiful, snowy night'?"

"I did," she said, as she looked at her hands. "But, he had other things to attend to, so here I am _. C'est la fin des haricots_."

"Are you not well matched with Weasley?" he asked her, as he flicked a piece of lint from his robes.

"No, not a bit," she said. She glanced at him through veiled eyes. "He is too smart to be so disruptive. It's off-putting and not something I have much appreciation for. I like someone who's a little more … cunning."

Severus nodded, but he had stopped listening to her after she said the word 'no'. He tensed, fighting down the idiotic hope that was threatening to jump into his throat.

"Why aren't you in bed?" he asked.

"I was waiting for you to come back," she said. She put her small hand on his left arm, just over where the Dark Mark lay, but he did not pull his arm back. His skin was tingling and for a change it had nothing to do with the Mark.

"Why?"

She took a breath and released it quickly. "Will you dance with me?"

"I'm not sure that's appropriate, Miss Selwyn."

She rolled her eyes. "Professor Sprout danced with Roger Davies, Professor McGonagall danced with Fred _and_ George, Professor Flitwick danced with Luna Lovegood, Madame danced with Jacques L'Andou. And I'm not even really your student, sir," she reminded him.

As if he needed it.

He took her hand in his and led her to the empty floor. Madam Warbeck was now crooning "You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me" over the wireless; her audience in the studio, now probably long asleep, cheered as the song began.

 _"_ _Oh, my poor heart, where has it gone?  
_ _It's left me for a spell  
_ _But I don't mind, 'cause with you I find  
_ _I'm always feeling well..."_

Severus glided her around the floor. He'd always been a more than passible dancer. For some reason his body understood the nuances of music, perhaps because Potions making was a choreographed dance. She was fluid in his arms, his body aligned with hers in a way that was familiar and comforting. He was close enough to her that he could smell her soft lavender perfume, the scent of the talcum powder on her face, and something that was distinctly her that reminded him of honey.

She gave him a timid little smile before she lowered her eyes back to the buttons on his coat. He smiled down at her lovely face, a real smile, though he was trying to hard not to make a fool out of himself while she was in his arms. Her soft, silky skin of her hand in his made him feel like a randy teenager, and he was having to fight tooth and nail to keep himself together.

She smiled up at him again, this time confident and sure.

"I'm glad I waited for you, sir," she said as she licked her lips as though she was waiting for a kiss. He watched her eyes dilated ever so slightly and a deep flush spread across her cheeks.

He froze midstep. It didn't take his knowledge of Legilimency to see that his pathetic feelings were indeed reciprocated.

He pulled away and said, "It's late, Miss Selwyn. You should return to your carriage."

She looked disappointed as she nodded. "I'll see you after the hols, then. I'm going home tomorrow to see my mother. But, I'll be back at the start of term," she said. She hid her eyes from his. " _Merci pour la danse, mon cher Professeur. Si seulement il y aurait pu être plus que cela_." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. And with that, she walked away from him.

Had she looked back, she would have seen him watching her with astonishment clearly expressed on his own reddened face.


	8. Flames

A/N: So, I accidentally posted Chapter 6 twice, as Chapter 5 and Chapter 6. There is an actual Chapter 5 called Bleak, and this has been corrected. Thank you Amarenima Redwood for the catch.

Chapter 6 - Flames

 _1958_

"She's completely beside herself in grief, Dru. I don't think there's any way she will recover. The poor woman just lost Darius after the wedding, and a daughter naught two weeks after the birth of her grandchild. Her house-elves have been raising the child – her head elf Poppy told my Nonny that she hasn't left the room since Elena's funeral, and that was two months ago?"

"But what about the father?" Druella could not believe the misfortune of her mother in law's closest friend, who just also happened to be her cousin.

"He's on the continent attending to business. In Romania I think. He's become such a help to Cygnus after Darius's death. I don't know what we would have done without him," Irma respected this bright young man from the first time he came to their home for tea, and his marriage to her cousin's only daughter helped to cement her fondness for the charismatic young upstart.

"Will you help them, my sweet daughter? Sarah needs a mother, and a family. She's just a baby. House-elves make good helpers, but they in no way replace our own love and affection. What's one more when you have three?" Irma was pleading now, she knew, but she could not stand to think of the beautiful little girl being raised in such a bleak house.

"Of course Irma, I will take her in. I'll talk to Pollux, but I don't think it will matter to him. He wants another child, but Narcissa's birth was so difficult I'm not sure I could survive another delivery myself," Druella confided.

Irma's eyes shifted away guiltily.

"What?" asked Druella. Then realization hit her. "You already spoke to him, didn't you?"

"I might have mentioned it, and he might have told me the same thing you did, but what of it?" Irma smiled happily. "I'll owl her father. I know he'll be relieved that little Sarah will have a mother to care for her. He says he doesn't know the first thing about raising children, and of course his business takes him overseas so often he would have had to hire a nanny anyways – and now she will be raised by her family, with her cousins! What a happy outcome to this horrible year."

"You don't have to lay it on so thick, Irma," Druella said and sighed. "I already said yes."

"Don't be impertinent," said the older witch. "Come, let's gather up the sweet babe."

They Disapparated to Selwyn House. The house elf who answered the door looked so miserable that both of the witch's hearts almost broke at the pitiful sight. Druella saw that the great mirrors in the great hall were covered with dusty black sheets, and the downstairs rooms already had the look and feel of being unused and uncared for.

This home, that was once so full of love and warmth, now reminded her distinctly of a mausoleum. She walked into the sitting room with her mother in law, and almost wept when she saw the side by side urns, one ornately engraved with the name "Darius Selwyn", the second with the name "Elena Selwyn". Elena's husband had insisted that she keep her name after marriage, so that their children would inherit a name that he considered nobler than his own. Now, it made the misfortune of the situation all more tangible.

She ran past her mother in law and to the child upstairs.

* * *

 _1995_

"What is your happiest memory?" Severus asked her, as he prepared her for casting a Patronus Charm for the first time.

"I'm not sure." Miss Selwyn darted her eyes away from him, focusing on the wand in her hand. Ash, he noted.

"Too many of them?" he teased. Her tiny hand was in his own as her showed her the correct wand motions for casting the charm. Such hands-on instruction of the theory may not have been necessary, but Severus was a very thorough teacher. Moreover, he was desperate to touch her soft skin again after feeling it for the first time at the Yule Ball and again earlier in the year when she flew into his arms after he released a Boggart on her by accident. She'd trembled as he charmed the serpent back into the dusty wardrobe. When he held her, his bare hand made contact with the skin at the base of her neck, and the sensation was … brilliant.

Her skin flushed at his comment. "No, it's not that. I mean, I've had a happy life, but … I don't know if I want to tell you," she said.

"You don't have to, Miss Selwyn. All you have to do is think about it when you cast the charm," he said as he ran his thumb over hers. To correct the wand motion, he told himself, though he knew damn well it was so that he could feel the little tremor that ran through her body with the contact of their skin together.

"Well," she said. The flush crept from her face down her neck. "What if it's not a memory, but something you want to happen, and have thought about so much that now it seems like a memory?"

 _What a clever, clever girl_ , he thought. He felt the flush heat her back. He wished he knew what the devil she was thinking of, but she was hiding her emotions better than usual.

"It might work, though I don't know if anyone has ever tried it. Why don't you?"

She nodded. He watched her take a steadying breath, then flicked her wand while saying, "Expecto Patronum _"._ Mist shot out of the end of her wand, bathing his dark office in silvery light.

She looked back to him, and her disappointment was evident on her face. "I guess it didn't work."

"You little show-off, it did work," he said. He extremely pleased she was able to cast any Patronus at all, even if it didn't take a corporeal body.

"No, it didn't, and you know it. A stronger witch could form one with an actual body," she said tersely. She walked to his desk and put her wand down on it. He watched, slightly mesmerized, as she took the little hat off her head and pulled the pins out of her hair. Her hair, a wild curtain of blonde curls, cascaded down her back almost to her waist. She looked over her shoulder at him coyly before she turned around.

"That's better," she sighed. "Maybe it's because my head hurts from all the pins. Can I try again?"

Severus nodded his head. Somehow his mouth had become very dry. He tried to control his mind and body while she stepped back against him and attempted to cast the charm again. Once again, silvery mist lit up the room. He saw that it was attempting to collect itself into … something, but no corporeal shape took form.

She shook her head. "What am I doing wrong, sir?" she asked.

"Maybe …" he had to clear his throat before he could continue, "Maybe you need a real memory."

She nodded, and flushed again, deeper this time. "Then I'll have to make my happiest memory real," she said softly. She walked to him and whispered, " _Je peux te dire un secret_?" He nodded, more confused than he could ever remember being. He lowered his head to her, taking in her lovely lavender scent. Instead of a whisper in his ear, he felt her lips brush lightly against his mouth.

 _Student!_ His mind warned him.

 _I don't fucking care,_ he said back, as he crushed his mouth against hers, claiming her lips as his. It was awkward at first. His great, hawk like nose bumped into her tiny one as they both were desperate to increase their connection.

"Lia," he whispered as he slid his hands into her fragrant hair, angling her face so that he could deepen the kiss. His tongue slid across her lips and they opened for him, letting him explore her mouth until he thought his body might explode with pleasure. When her tongue tentatively touched his, he moaned, which must have encouraged her to grow bolder. She fused her mouth to his until they were both desperate for breath and had to come up for air.

"Severus," she whimpered softly as she rubbed her body awkwardly against his growing erection.

Warning bells went off in his head, and this time he took heed of them.

He reluctantly pulled away from her lips and looked at the face he held in his hands. She was now completely flushed with desire; even her lips were red from their fervent kisses. With just a word or suggestion, or maybe a few more minutes of the drugging kisses they just shared, he knew he could have her. In his mind's eye he could see her bent over his desk, with him thrusting into her while she came apart in his hands. For a minute he wanted just that, and had to still his hands from bringing their faces again once more.

She deserved more than that – more than him deflowering her in his office. He _wanted_ more than that for her.

But Merlin, if he didn't want to be the one to give it to her.

He softly kissed her lips one more time before he backed away from the warm comfort of her body.

She smiled and licked her lips seductively. Grabbing her wand, she flicked her wrist and said, " _Expecto Patronum!"_ Her wand shot forth a dazzling silver butterfly that glided around the room.

He looked at the butterfly, remembering his Patronus before the silver doe overshadowed it. Before he could stop himself he cast his, and for the first time in almost fourteen years he saw the Death's Head Hawkmoth fly. It chased after the butterfly before they both disappeared from sight.

Their eyes met, and suddenly he knew.

"Isn't it curious that we have similar Patronum?" she said. He glanced at the look on her face and saw that she knew it wasn't curious at all.

"It happens with twin flames," he said.

"Twin flames?"

"Are you aware of the Muggle term 'soulmate'?" he asked. When he saw her nod, he continued, "For wizards and witches, it is the same concept, except we having a keener understanding of it. Sometimes, when love is very strong and connections run very deep, souls will keep finding each other from one life to the next. I've seen it with an old … friend," he said wistfully, "But I'll admit I never thought I'd experience it firsthand."

"Experience what?" she whispered. She put his small hand in his and squeezed it.

"Having a twin flame," he said. He put free his hand under her chin and kissed her softly. "You and I, we're …"

"I know," she said. "I think I knew the second I walked into your office. There's something –"

"Familiar," he finished.

"Instinctual," she said.

"Intuitive," he grinned.

They stared at each other in wonder.

"I love you," he said before he could stop himself, but he knew the words were true.

"And I you, Severus," she said as she captured his lips with hers again.


	9. Monstrous

A/N: The past and present are rapidly trying to catch up ... not mine still ...

Chapter 8 - Monstrous

It was the day after the disastrous finale of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Severus had not been able to find Lia after the melee that ensued after Potter's return with that poor dead boy. There had been too much commotion, especially after they discovered that Barty Crouch, Jr. had been impersonating Mad-Eye Moody all year. Though an interrogation of him would have been most useful, he found himself not very sorry at all that the little shit received the Dementor's kiss. Especially not after last night's Summons by the newly restored Dark Lord.

He'd stayed at Hogwarts when he felt the piercing pain of his Mark responding to the call of his Master, not long after Potter and Mr. Diggory disappeared from the maze. It has been necessary to ensure his continued presence at Hogwarts, though every second he did not return was sheer agony, making the hours before he returned to him a blur. When he finally did return to the Dark Lord's side, the relief from the pain was immediate, thought the new pain of being in the presence of the creature who killed his first love was almost intolerable.

The Dark Lord punished him for being late of course, he'd expected that after his previous years of service. Thankfully, the Dark Lord had been ultimately understanding of his 'need' to stay at the castle long enough to convince Dumbledore of his unfailing loyalty to him.

The very thought that the Dark Lord still believed Severus could ever be loyal to _him_ , especially after he killed Lily Potter, was just as preposterous as it was fourteen years ago. That ludicrousness of the assumption, buried underneath the layers of his Occlumency, got him through the curses and hexes that the Dark Lord used as his punishment for not responding to him the second the Mark burned his skin.

What made him get to his feet and return to Hogwarts when it was finally all over, and he could feel his hands and feet again, was getting back to Lia.

He'd experienced love in what he had felt for Lily, but that love was unrequited and unbalanced. Loving Lia, and she loving him in return, was slowly changing him. No longer was he consumed with disappointment and bitter hate. Not to say that it wasn't there – the frustrations of his youth, the despair of the abject poverty of his childhood and his father's abuse of he and his mother would always haunt him.

Part of him would always love Lily; that he knew and understood. But that love no longer paradoxically ate away at him and fueled his survival. Hell, he could even look at Potter now and not want to strangle him every time he saw Lily's eyes on James' face.

Before the Third Task, Severus had decided he would ask Lia to marry him over the summer, after she graduated from Beauxbatons and returned to England. He no longer cared about any rumors or scrutiny he would be under for marrying a visiting student, though she was not _his_ student.

But now that the Dark Lord had returned, he couldn't figure out his next step. He wanted her safe. And safe was not with a Death Eater turned spy.

* * *

Lia was the last person he expected to find in Dumbledore's office when he had finally recovered enough to report back to him.

"Good afternoon, Severus," the old man said to him. It was the first time he saw Dumbledore's eyes without the characteristic twinkle.

"Albus," Severus replied. He looked at Lia curiously. Her eyes were red and there were tears still spilling down her cheeks. She was hiccupping back sobs. Severus gave her his handkerchief, and, forgetting where he was for an instant too long, he pulled her into his arms.

"My mother is dead," she whispered against his ear.

He looked at the Headmaster. "What happened?"

"The Dark Lord has once again removed someone that got in the way of his plans," Dumbledore said, looking at Lia instead of Severus. "Lia's mother was murdered by the Dark Lord last night."

Severus tightened his arms around the trembling woman in his arms and gently kissed her forehead. He tried to think of when it could have happened. Was it before he returned to his side? Or was it after, when he was laying on the ground of the cemetery, writhing in pain after being the recipient of the Cruciatus Curse.

"I'm sorry, Lia," he whispered softly as he stroked her hair and back. He felt her flinch beneath his hands when they touched her left shoulder. "What is it?" he asked, moving his hand away. He tried to meet her eyes, but she wouldn't return his gaze. She instead was looking at the Headmaster.

"I can't," she whispered. Dumbledore nodded and began to speak.

"It would appear that in Lord Voldemort's desire to be immortal, he realized there was a different way part of him could continue to exist, even after his death."

"The Horcruxes?" asked Severus.

The Headmaster smiled vaguely before he continued. "He sired a child, Severus."

Severus pulled Lia even closer to his body before he dared to reply. "What in the hell does that have to do with her?"

Dumbledore looked at both of them with an expression of infinite sadness, as though the woman's death had affected him as much as it had Lia. "His child was Miss Selwyn's mother."

Lia began to sob again in earnest; the handkerchief Severus had given her was almost drenched in her tears.

"Shit," Severus said.

"Indeed," Dumbledore said calmly.

"How do you know this? What proof do you have Lia is … and that the Dark Lord killed her mother."

"Show him, Lia, what you showed me when you came to my office."

Lia's face fell. "I can't," she said, gripping her robes tightly around her.

"My dear child, you have to be brave now. You already carry too much of a burden. We can help lighten it, but you will have to be very brave." Dumbledore's voice was kind, but heavy with insistence and authority, the way a grandparent would speak to a young grandchild. It was a voice he'd perfected and used in the many years of having so many young witches and wizards in his care, Severus and the Dark Lord included.

Lia nodded and stepped out of Severus's arms. She took off her robes, revealing her soft looking jumper and long skirts underneath. She pulled down the shoulder of the jumper, and looked at the Headmaster for guidance. When he nodded for her to continue she turned around.

Severus looked in horror at the Dark Mark that had been branded onto her skin, stretched and shiny as though it was placed when she was very young.

"It happened when I was little. I don't remember it, thank Merlin. My mother says she has the same Mark on her shoulder, just like this. He apparently tried to brand us the same way that the Death Eaters are, but the magic wouldn't work on us. He used fire instead. A modified use of the Flagrante Charm, I think," she said, as she raised the sleeve back to its rightful position.

"How long have you known?" Severus asked her.

"Since last night after the Third Task. I got a Floo Call from my mother, after Madame rushed us back to the carriage. Mum said she used a Concealment Charm to cover both of our scars after her … _father's_ … death, or whatever you would call what happened when he went away. My father was so angry when I was branded, that he did something to try to kill Lord Voldemort, but it backfired, and he died instead." She looked away as new tears began to spring, but she continued. "After … _You Know Who_ … was defeated, my mother went back to her old family home and raised me there as just a Selwyn. She thought if You Know Who was gone, she and I could have a normal life of peace. But she felt her scar burn last night, as did I, though I didn't understand why my shoulder hurt so much. It's been hurting all year, honestly. But she knew. She knew he was back." She paused, looking miserable before she continued. "Mum told me that she realized long ago that if he ever returned, he would kill her because she was no longer needed. What he really wanted was me – a Pure-blood heir to rule by his side and give him access to what his magic alone cannot give him."

Lia looked away again, pausing long enough for Severus collected his thoughts. He tried to think back to his initiation, to the words and rituals of the Dark Lord during that time. He tried to find anything that could fit her story, but could find nothing he could remember. "Do any of the Death Eaters know about your existence? I've never heard anything like this, and I was in the Inner Circle." He paused and looked at Dumbledore before he continued, "And I will be again." The Headmaster nodded quickly.

Lia attempted to speak, but couldn't. She looked at the Headmaster pleadingly for help.

"Only two other people know this story – outside of the people in this room, the Dark Lord himself, and her mother. One of them is Narcissa Malfoy, who was her mother's cousin and her best friend. The other was her father, Regulus Black. By the time you rose to power within the ranks of the Death Eaters, everyone else who once knew that Tom Riddle once married and had a child was either naturally dead, Confunded, or murdered, depending on what his fancy was at the time. He didn't want any trace of them until his family line once again had an heir with four wizarding grandparents. Her mother's marriage was arranged, from what I understand. Though, it was a happy one while Regulus was alive."

"Regulus Black and Lucius Malfoy sponsored me to the Dark Lord," Severus looked at Lia with something akin to the awed look that confusion can sometimes take. "Lia, I knew your mother. You are Serena Black?" He thought back to the chubby baby he once encountered at the Black's home on Grimmauld Place. "Why didn't you tell me you were Regulus and Sarah Black's daughter?"

"She asked me not to," Lia said softly. "She doesn't like for me to discuss any family connections other than the Selwyn's with anyone." She sighed. "I don't go by my father's name – I never have. The women in my family keep their maiden names and pass that on to their children so I've always been Serena Selwyn, except that I go by Lia. My middle name is Cordelia," she said, a small smile appearing on her face now. "It's one of the moons around Uranus. I thought it would link me to my father's family if I used it, but then my Aunt Cissy started calling me 'Little Lia' and the nickname stuck."

Severus looked away, deep in thought and memory. "I'd always wondered what happened to you two. Your mother was so kind to me. I think she felt sorry for me, because of …"

"It's okay to talk about Lily, Severus," Lia said as she grabbed for his hand. "Mum was the one who told me to have you tutor me in Defense. She said I could trust you with my life and that if I ever needed protection that I should go to you for help. Mum told me last night that she knew that you were my …" she flushed and cast her eyes down to the floor. "She's a Seer. She knew that you and I were twin flames from the moment she met you."

"I take it that things are already serious between the two of you, then? It seems that things have gone far beyond a mentoring relationship." Dumbledore asked, looking between them.

Lia nodded her head. Severus just scowled.

"I think I have a plan to keep you safe, my dear child. I'm afraid that neither of you will like it, all things considered. But it may be the only way to save your life, since I doubt you would ever side with the Dark Lord."

"Never, Headmaster," she said. Severus watched her face suddenly calm and her body become very still. "I would rather die than be used by him for his purpose."

Severus looked at Dumbledore. "Whatever it takes to keep her safe, Albus _."_

"Even if it means losing her for a while?" the old man asked.

Severus looked at Lia, who now had the good sense to look frightened.

He closed his eyes, as a hard knot rose in his throat. He'd made a deal like this with Dumbledore before, and the outcome had been monstrous.

But what choice had he ever had?

" _Anything."_


	10. Black

A/N: Still not mine, still broke.

Chapter 9 – Black

 _Dear Madame,_

 _I will not be returning back to school for graduation. I will miss being able to celebrate such a wonderful event with you and my friends and classmates, but I just do not feel like I can return right now. No celebration would be one without my mother present._

 _Please owl my NEWTs results to Selwyn Manor when they are available. I will need to keep them on hand for St. Mungo's when I am able to begin my Apprenticeship. At this point at I will be taking a year off with an option to reapply for the position next spring._

 _Thank you so much for overseeing my education at Beauxbatons. I will be forever in your debt for the education that you tried to instill in me to make me a better lady. I just hope I can live up to your expectations of my future._

 _Regards,_

 _Serena Cordelia Selwyn_

* * *

Severus hid her in the Room of Requirement while the end of the school year played out for the rest of the students. Since the Beauxbatons students had taken their NEWTs previous to the Third Task, she would still be a graduate of the school, though she would not be able to use her education for some time to come. Maybe, when Lord Voldemort was defeated and she could come back to Britain, she would become a Healer as she had always planned.

He knew that Lia cried herself to sleep most nights. He was being Summoned daily, and when he wasn't bowing to the Dark Lord he was bowing to the members of the newly re-incarnated Order of the Phoenix who would never completely trust him or his intentions. On the days and nights when he was able to see her, share a meal with her, or just speak to her, he saw that her eyes always looked a little more distant, confused, and sad.

She missed her mother, desperately. But he knew it was even more than that. She also missed the freedom she took for granted before, freedom her mother was able to give her by the anonymity of their quiet life in the country, hiding behind their old, noble name.

Dumbledore was meeting with her, daily, to prepare her for the next step. According to his reports, she was beginning to recognize somewhere in her mind that the Dark Lord was her grandfather, but it was impossible for her to reconcile it on a daily basis. And how could she? She was the grandchild of one of the darkest wizards their world had ever known. The culmination of his most insane dreams.

The last, Pure-blood heir of Slytherin.

* * *

After a particularly nasty Summons that mainly consisted of the Dark Lord screaming his discontent over not finding the missing girl, Severus slowly walked back to the dungeons when he felt something just brush past him in the corridor. He looked around, expecting to see Peeves or maybe one of the house-elves scuttling about. But, there was no one. If classes weren't already out he would have assumed it was Potter in his father's cloak sneaking around again. Suspicious, he pulled out his wand.

"Lumos maxima," he said, filling the tunnel with light.

There was no one.

Then, as subtle as the steam above a cauldron of Draught of Living Death, he smelled the scent of lavender floating around him. He followed the scent out of the winding maze of the dungeon corridors back up into the main part of the school. The fragrance got a little fainter out in the expanse staircases and classrooms, but he could still detect it enough to follow it to the Astronomy Tower. He walked up the winding stairs, his robes and cloak now whipping around him with each step as he climbed the many stories up to the very top. And that's where he saw her, standing out by the outer railings, completely unafraid of the height and unaware the brisk night breeze cooling the air around them. She was barefooted and wearing her nightclothes; he could see the long, light green gown peeking out from underneath a grey dressing gown.

 _Slytherin colors,_ he thought with a little smirk.

"Why aren't you in your room, Lia?" he asked, watching to see how she would react to his voice. She didn't, and actually just the opposite happened - her body relaxed a little when he began to speak. It irritated him a little that he'd lost the ability to make her jump; she should be jumpy and on guard while wandering the halls against his and Dumbledore's specific instructions.

Lia glanced over her shoulder shyly at him, knocking the braid of her hair from her shoulder to her back.

"Why didn't you catch me when I touched your arm earlier?" she asked, grinning a little as she turned back to look at the sky.

"Albus has been teaching you Disillusionment Charms, I take it?"

She nodded. "Yes, but all I used tonight was a simple Notice Me Not Charm." She smirked. "Apparently it was good enough to fool you. How did you know I was up here?"

"Your perfume," he replied, as he walked up next to her. He lightly put his arms around her and buried his nose in her hair, inhaling her sweet scent. "No one else wears it, so it could only have been you."

"Are you upset?" she asked. She leaned her body against his and relaxed completely into him.

"Just be careful," he said. "I know you feel cooped up, but it's for your own protection."

Lia sighed. She put her hands over his on her waist, lacing their fingers together. "You just never know how much you miss the sky until someone tells you that you can't see it anymore."

"Your Uncle feels the same way, being in Grimmauld Place now. You're both under forms of house arrest, to use a Muggle term."

She grinned, but her face was sad. "I know that term, now," she said, tapping her head in indication of the memory modification charms Albus was already placing on her to catch her up with a traditional Muggle education. "I can't believe you just called Sirius my Uncle. What happened to spitting out the word "Black" like a curse word?"

Severus grimaced slightly. "I'll never like the man after what he and Potter Sr. did to me when we were in school. But, seeing him like this I suppose I pity him, especially with you going through the same thing. I doubt I'd care if it weren't for you." He looked at her thoughtfully. "Actually, I know I wouldn't."

"I wish I could meet him, Severus," she said, sighing. "I would like to have that link to my father, but it wouldn't be fair for him, with me having to go so soon."

"He doesn't know of your existence, Lia. Even though you will miss knowing him, now, it won't be any difference to him. Your grandmother disowned him before your parents were married, and she burned yours and your mother's names off of the family tree after your father died and your mother left," he said, tightening his arms around her.

"Sounds like a lovely woman," she said.

"You should see her portrait, actually. She does nothing but scream at any of us when she's awake. But you look so much like her it's hard for me to hex the picture into silence," he said, snickering a little. "Although maybe I should to make up for the times I didn't place a Silencing Charm on you."

"Oh, shut up Severus. Really," she said, irritated, though her voice was kind.

"It would be nice for you to see the house. All the rooms are basically as they were left when she died, which was just a couple of years after your mother left. The Weasley's have set up camp there with Sirius, and they've all been trying to rid the home of all the Dark objects the family collected," he said, this time really laughing. "You'd think Molly would just ask me or Albus to help, but she's determined to do it by herself. It's the best part of the meetings – to hear her grumble about the 'progress' she's making."

Her hands squeezed his. "Would you do something for me?"

"Depends on what it is you want," Severus said.

"Thanks, Severus, I'll have to remember that if you ever need something from me," she said, now actually getting irritable.

"I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?" he said, turning her to face him. Lia's face was very serious, and there were unshed tears in her eyes. He felt like an ass.

"Can you bring me something of my father's? I don't care what it is. I have so many things of my mothers with me, but I never had anything that belonged to him or anyone on the Black side of the family."

"I'll try," he said. "I can't promise that I could manage it. Kreacher keeps an eye on everything in the house, whether or not anyone realizes it or not." He brought his hands to her face, trying to still the flow of tears from her eyes.

He hated seeing her like this. Severus actually hated seeing any woman cry. Before her, it was probably due to the nights of hearing his mother sob herself to sleep, as well as his extreme discomfort of the vacillating emotions of the teenaged girls in his care. The few who came to his office in tears never found comfort with him. It always made him wish he had a female co-Head of House to help with his charges, especially since Minerva and Pomona had no compassion for any Slytherin, female or otherwise.

As always, she sensed his unease in her tears, and she tried to brighten herself by attempting a feeble smile.

"I'm sorry," she said, sniffing. "I think all I do anymore is cry. It's so stupid."

"You've been through enough the past couple of weeks," he said. "Just ignore me. I'll go off and hex something later to work out how I feel about your tears."

"You could kiss me instead," she said, rubbing her hands up his chest. He felt her breath quicken against him, and even in the dim light saw her skin darken with pink heat as she flushed.

"If you insist," he said.

Severus lowered his mouth to hers, just moving his thin lips against her soft, full ones.

"Better?" he asked, knowing damn well it wasn't.

"No," she said, lift herself up on her toes to try to reach him. It was no use; she was five feet tall in her bare feet and he towered over her at several inches over six feet.

"What do you want?" he asked, lowering his head enough to where she was just out of reach.

"One of _those_ kisses, Severus," she said impatiently. He half expected her to stamp her foot like a child. At least her mind was off the present and her tears had stopped.

"What kind of kisses are those again?" he asked, mocking her tone of voice.

"You could keep asking me questions, or I could show you," she said. She locked her hands around his neck and tried to force him down to meet her. He didn't need any more encouragement. He was just as ready for the intimacy with her as she was. He'd been leaving at dawn and not coming back until well after midnight for the last several days, and he missed even the brief time he could have with her.

 _What will you do when she's gone, Severus?_ This time his subconscious sounded more like Albus than like the elder Potter.

He ignored the voice as he lowered his mouth to hers again and kissed her, this time taking her lips with the intensity she wanted. He'd learned over the past few months that she liked him to take his time, so he kissed her until he memorized every soft curve of her lips before he licked her lower lip, asking her to open to him. She did, and her sweetness made him moan just like it did the first time – just as he did every time they shared this. He slid his tongue into the warmth of her mouth, touching hers gently, listening to her breath quicken and her own soft sounds of contentment.

All they had ever done was kiss. Before the Third Task, they'd spoken of their desire to wait until she'd graduated and they could be more open with their relationship. Severus had known from that first time they kissed that Lia was a virgin, and he didn't want to rush her until she was ready.

And now … now it was just a really terrible idea to start a physical relationship that would almost immediately have to be terminated, and that she wouldn't even remember. He tried to tell himself that they should hold back because of her, but if he were completely honest it was just as much due to the fact that if they did slept together, he wasn't sure he'd be able to let her go.

So he kissed her until he felt her go weak in his arms and he felt himself stiffen to the point of complete impropriety. He was suddenly acutely aware of the long walk back to the dungeons as he tried to shift his position in his trousers. He pulled his lips from hers and stared into her lust filled eyes, and, glutton for punishment as he was, when he felt her shiver in the night air, he pulled her back to him and wrapped his robes around them both. She tucked her head into the space under his shoulder and sighed.

"Will it always be like this?" she asked, her voice a little muffled by the fabric.

"I hope so," he replied.

* * *

Dumbledore was planting memory modifications within her mind daily now. With each spell he cast, each Confundus and Iniuriam Memoria Charm he placed to prepare her for the next step, brought with it the realization that this was really and genuinely happening. One day, she would wake up an American Muggle. And her life here with him would be not even a memory, because her memories would be gone - at least, for a little while.

The Room of Requirement, such an odd little creation of the castle, took care of her. Though it could not provide her with food, it provided her with anything else she could have ever wanted to pass the time. She had taken an interest Muggle Studies as her mind was filling with the new knowledge planted in it, and the room started providing her with books on American History, calculus, literature, and science.

It even provided her a wizard's chess set that was charmed to play with one player and an old wireless so that she would have music to listen to. It did help to pass the remaining time she had as a witch.


	11. Broken

A/N: I'm taking a movie deviation again ... as you have probably deduced I see in Severus more of the incredibly sensitively done portrayal he is given in the films rather than the author's hatred of the character in the novels. That's not saying I don't think he's a big puppy dog, and that he's a really nice awesome guy - he's not. But, he has potential, a lot more than he's given credit for. He's the man who sobbed, making sounds like a wounded animal in Dumbledore's office after Lily died, the man who sobbed in Sirius's home after finding a letter in her handwriting along with a picture of her. So, I don't believe he's as big an ass as his creator thinks he is. There's a goodish man in there, waiting for the first 7 books to be over. He's just never had anyone, including the woman who wrote him, who didn't want to "slap him" other than Dumbledore. Doesn't that just kinda make you want to give him a little bit of happiness, somewhere?  
Enough of my prattle. Not mine (I would have given him a happier ending in the canon if it were), and no money at all.

Chapter 10 - Broken

He was teaching her both Occlumency and Legilimency in the time they had left. She'd argued at first, asking him what the point of this knowledge was if her memory was going to vanish. But, he persisted by telling her it could be of use if the charms failed, or if she was found before the end.

"Take a deep breath, Lia, and clear your mind. Control your thoughts – fight them all down to one spot in your beautiful little head of yours, then push those thoughts away until I can't find it," Severus explained again.

She nodded and looked up, her expression determined. "Do it," she said as she attempted to control her mind, which always seems to flutter around like a Cornish Pixie when he was in proximity.

"Legilimens."

He pushed into her mind, sifting through her thoughts. He felt her try to calm herself, attempting to push everything into a tight spot that could be easily hidden. But Severus was too good as finding them. He decided to look for the memory of their first kiss, and in spite of himself he had to laugh while she tried to bury it in the far recesses of her mind. It was no use, and he was there, taking the memory, looking at it with her.

 _Lia shook her head in mock confusion. "What am I doing wrong, sir?" she asked. She knew what she was doing wrong. She was thinking about the day received her wand at Ollivander's. While one of the best memories she had, she knew it would pale in comparison to the one she really wanted to experience in reality – her first kiss._

 _"_ _Maybe …" Severus cleared his throat a little, "Maybe you need a real memory."_

 _She nodded, and flushed in anticipation. "Then I'll have to make my happiest thought real," she said softly. She walked to him, and said, "Je peux te dire un secret?"_

 _When he nodded and bent his head down to her, so closely that she could smell the faint scent of sandalwood on his robes. She felt so nervous that she almost stopped. But, desire won out. Instead of a whispering in his ear, she brushed her lips against his ..._

He pulled back, leaving her mind with a smirk.

"You little minx," he said while tracing her lips with his fingertips.

She attempted to look innocent before she broke into a fit of giggles.

"You would have been an amazing Slytherin to behold," he said.

"I am an amazing Slytherin to behold, remember?" she said.

 _Dammit_.

Severus had considered just Obliviating the memory from her mind and giving her another reason for why she had to go into hiding, but Albus had sensed the tentative plans forming in his head. The confrontation had not been one of his best moments. In the end, the Headmaster convinced him that all of Lia's memories should stay intact. He didn't understand the reasoning, mostly because he was so tired of seeing her hurt. But he did as instructed, just like he always did.

"Shhhh, don't cry my love," he murmured. He sat her down in a chair next to the fireplace.

"I can't help it," she cried.

"Yes, you can. Control your thoughts. Clear your mind. Use the Occlumency. You can't change the nature of your birth, but you can control your reaction to it and learn to bury the thoughts so deep that they cannot be found. In here," he said, tapping her temple lightly as he kneeled in front of her.

Lia took a deep breath and nodded, before he reestablished the connection. He watched her visualize wrapping all those thoughts and feelings up into a tidy box, and push them into the far reaches of her mind. This time, when he wordlessly probed deeper into her thoughts, looking for those memories, she showed him nothing, for there was nothing to be found. And she was calm, maybe calmer than she had been in the last weeks. At least that was something.

She tried to push into his mind while they were connected, but there was nothing in his mind other than the still coolness like a winter's chill. His mind was blank and empty.

She looked away.

"Very good," he said, rubbing her back.

"Severus, do you do this often? Bind all your thoughts and feelings back to where they cannot be discovered?" she asked him, sounding worried.

"Yes," he said faintly.

"Doesn't it damage you, to be out of touch with your emotions and your desires?"

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think there would be more damage done to me if the Dark Lord knew what I really am? It's the only way I can protect myself, and in turn protect Potter. And you," he said, his voice growing softer and his eyes blanker.

"Severus," she said, probing gently. "Let me see what it is that hurts you so."

He looked at her and pressed his lips together as he Occluded his thoughts completely. "No."

She caressed his face with her hands and met his lips with hers. "Please," she whispered.

Severus didn't want anyone, not even her, to see or know the hurts of his past. But he relented. He didn't understand why he suddenly gave in, except that maybe if she _saw_ , if someone finally saw him for who he was … maybe someone would finally know him. As much as that thought made him terrified for the first time in years – just the idea of being that exposed made his heart start to pound despite the control he was exerting over himself, he decided that if he could let himself be known to anyone that it could be her – it should be her. He met her eyes, so full of worry and concern, and love, and nodded his head stiffly.

"Legilimens," she said, and with a quick movement of her wand the connection began again.

 _He'd come too late, he knew if when he saw the left side of the house. It looked as though it had been hit with a Muggle bomb. He walked up to the front door, slowly, not wanting to draw any attention to himself, in case the Dark Lord or any Death Eaters remained._

 _It was dark inside. No candle was lit. He walked through the front door, and found Potter at the foot of the stairs, barefoot and wandless. He wanted to feel scorn and hatred for the sad, pathetic sight of the Marauder who had ultimately been powerless against the Dark Lord. But he could find none – he willed himself to feel none._

 _He had to find Lily._

 _As he ascended the stairs, which were beginning to crumble underneath his feet, he clung to the hope that perhaps the Dark Lord had spared her, or that maybe she had managed to flee. But, the closer he got to the little room that was surely the nursery, his hope began to diminish. With each step closer, the sound within grew louder and more insistent._

 _A child's cry._

 _He looked through the broken door. The boy sat in his crib, reaching for his mother through the bars. She was lying on the floor on her stomach, her face hidden by her dark red hair. She did not stir. And Lily was not the kind of mother not to respond to the call of her child, if she were able. He'd seen that when he'd watched their home, before they went into hiding._

 _He rolled her over and looked into her quiet, unmoving eyes, still the color of dark emeralds._

 _She was dead._

 _Severus felt his heart break in two as he gathered up her still form and held her to him, cradling her against his chest as he had wanted to do for so long. He could no longer remember a time that he did not love her. He rocked her slowly in his arms, smelling her sweet hair._

 _He was suddenly aware that he was sobbing outright when he heard the increasing wails of the child behind him. He looked back, and saw the boy reaching out for both him now. Or was he only reaching for his mother?_

 _Severus gently laid her on the floor, and picked up the child from the crib. The boy was already the spit image of his father, his black hair sticking up in the back in the same cowlick. He held him close, and pulled his wand from his sleeve, gathering all the strength he could to cast a Patronus to call for Albus' help._

 _What would ever make him happy again – what joyful thought could override this night? But then he remembered the soft fragrance of Lily's hair and the feel of body against him when he held her. Pushing back the memory that she was dead, only focusing those two things, he cried out, "Expecto Patronum!" expecting the moth to erupt from the end of his wand. But instead, a silvery doe escaped and looked back to him, awaiting the message to be sent._

 _He spoke to her and watched her fly out of the window, unencumbered by the confines of the physical world. He sat on the floor, cradling the child against him, shielding him from the sight of his mother's lifeless body. He looked at the child's face, seeing the odd cut just above his right eyebrow._

 _It was then that he finally noticed the boy's eyes. Exactly like Lily's, down to the shape and shade. Except they were alive._

 _He held the boy to him and wept._

The thoughts flashed forward to something that was not a memory, nothing was fluid or solid as it had been in the memory of the past.

 _Hundreds of different scenarios, but all with the same outcome. Him, finding her lifeless body at the hands of the Dark Lord, but this time the child with her had his lank, ebony hair, and deep grey eyes._

When Lia broke the connection, he realized that she was sobbing. But he couldn't respond. He kept his thoughts blank, trying to maintain all control. Perhaps she could understood now, the restrictions he had placed on himself. The oppressive restraint. He'd been broken by love before, and he never wanted it to happen again. It couldn't happen again, not if he wanted to keep his sanity.

"Severus," she whispered to him. "It won't happen to me, Severus. I promise it won't," she said, almost pleading with him.

He captured her eyes again, and this time he wordlessly showed her a new set of fears.

 _She saw herself with her new face, with a number of men, marrying them, making love to them, and him coming back for her only to find her happy in another man's arms._

She pulled back from his mind. He sense her anger, raw emotions torn between disgust and utter understanding. "It won't happen. Surely there must be a way to make for damn sure that I know I belong to another man. My heart knows you. My soul will always long for you, no matter what my mind is tricked into believing."

He sneered at her. "Lia, you're too young to understand that you deserve better than me. Some man, Muggle or otherwise, is going to find you and any memory of me in your soul will be wiped away by the reality of having a good man. One who didn't grow up poor and abused, and who does not bear his Mark," he said as he turned from her and stood. He put his hands in the pockets of his teaching robes and walked to the far end of the room.

She followed him, placing her hand over his left arm where she knew his Dark Mark lay. "You know me. You are a Slytherin, just as I am. You are not the only one who is bound to him against your will." As if she was trying to prove her point, she unbuttoned her blouse and pulled down the shoulder so that her own Mark was bared to him. He traced it gently with his fingers.

"Don't you think I have the same fears? Despite what you think, despite all the abuse and neglect you heap unto yourself, you are a great man. Surely, I won't be only woman to figure that out." She turned around to face him, her cheeks pink and eyes bright. "Look at me, Severus, my skin tingles just thinking about you." She brushed against him with her bare arm and showed him the goosebumps that rose, but he tried not to let himself be moved by them. "Merlin's eye teeth, you are _thick_. Don't you get that there never could be anyone else?"

He took her in his arms then, squeezing her so tightly that she momentarily lost her breath. He willed for her to be right.

* * *

Severus brought her dinner, and they were speaking of what their possible futures might bring, after the Dark Lord's defeat. He was in the middle of telling her his desire to open a potions store, when she blurted out the craziest thing he had heard since Potter's name was chosen by the Goblet of Fire.

"Marry me."


	12. Fate

A/N: Too sentimental to be hers, but too much stuff that's hers to be mine.

Chapter 11 - Fate

 _1979_

It was finally over. Sarah looked down at her sleeping daughter, thanking Merlin through her own tears that Serena's cries had finally stopped.

If she had ever hated her father, which she did more and more with every day that passed, it had brought to full strength the moment he hurt her child. Sarah had been away for so much of her life, first sheltered in the happy home of her cousins, then sheltered by Madame's bosom at Beauxbatons. She hadn't had to experience the reality of her father's insanity until she was cursed into submission along with Regulus, unable to stop him from branding her little girl with the Dark Mark.

As she watched Serena shudder a little in her sleep in a silent cry, she wanted to whip herself for not seeing this event coming. Usually she could sense the future better than this. She was a Naming Seer, or would have been if she'd needed to work. She'd seen so many possible futures for her little girl, why had she not seen this event?

One thing she did know was that all of Serena's futures ended with the silent, black haired man that Regulus and Lucius had introduced her to shortly after she was born.

He would protect her. He _was_ her protector, whether he liked it or not, and Sarah knew that he wouldn't like it, in one future at least. In others … he would gladly take that role. There had been times before this life when he had done the same, both of them with other faces and other names. And he would do the same now, and in many more lives to come before they were done.

Though she never wanted to trust someone her father held in any regard, especially now, she trusted that sad, quiet man with the haunted black eyes and thin face. She had to.

She had not sensed this night or her daughter's pain, but Sarah now sensed death, hanging over her as oppressively as fog. One would come very soon, that future was set unless a different decision was made. The other … possibly after Serena was grown, but that future was not completely set yet. Too many possible outcomes had to happen for her to know for sure.

She thought of Regulus's eyes when he first heard their child scream in pain. Something snapped in him, and it would never be righted.

She left the nursery and walked down the short corridor to their bedroom. She watched Regulus pull a locket out of his bureau, looking at it thoughtfully as though he were making a choice. She tried to will him not to, but when she saw him nod thoughtfully to himself she knew it was too late. Their daughter's pain and her father's madness had broken him. And his future was set.

It had been an arranged marriage between two old families. Sarah had not wanted to marry at all, especially not a Death Eater. But when she met Regulus, she saw his true nature did not match her father's ideology. He wanted it to – it was expected of him. But he had a good heart underneath, and he had been a good husband. Over the past four years, she'd even grown to love him, and he to love her.

But, their time would soon be over. She felt the tears come back when he looked up at her, his face very composed and unwavering.

"I'm going to try to destroy him, Sarah."

* * *

Severus never remembered having ever stammered in his life. He did so now before he could take control not only of his thoughts, but of his voice. "What on earth makes you think that that is a good idea? I'm about to send you into some back water country – "

"America is not back water and you know it," Lia said, while pointing at him with her fork.

" _And,_ " he cut her off, "There is the small fact that I could die at any point if he finds out I'm hiding you and am a member of the Order. You should be relieved he's gotten too concerned about killing Potter and has stopped trying to find you for now."

"That doesn't relieve me in the slightest, Severus. I feel awful for that boy," she said. "What has been fated to him is terrible."

"More terrible than what was fated to you?" he asked, irritated with her sympathy for Potter.

"Yes, actually it is," she said. He watched her rub her shoulder as she chose her next words with more care than usual. He wished she would just speak her mind she normally did. "I could not chose the nature of my birth, as you have told me before. It chose me. It's my destiny, I suppose. But, not for Harry. You Know Who had different outcomes to choose, and he chose Harry. Fate was so little involved in it more than the decisions of a mad man." She laughed a little to herself. "I sound like my mother."

" _Children of Seers long for tears_." Severus quoted the nursery rhyme from memory.

"Not me, not so much. She was careful not reveal what she sensed about matters, and she never prophesied, not that I know of at least. No tears for me knowing too much about the world," she said, smiling sadly.

"Why me?" he asked. He grabbed her tiny hand into his, fitting it neatly in the palm of his own.

"Other than you being my twin flame?" she asked, smirking. "I love you. Even if you weren't my soul mate, I'd want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Except that in two weeks I'm sending you away," he said softly, the anger he felt at himself for agreeing to Dumbledore's plan steadily growing. He stood abruptly and walked to the fireplace and stared at the embers. He heard her chair squeak as she stood. Her warm arms wrapped around his waist, and he could feel her rest her head in the middle of his back.

"Severus." Her voice was a little muffled in the folds of his robes. "We could put it off until the end of the war, but then one of us, or both of us, could be dead. And I vote on having a little bit of happiness now. Even if it is just for two weeks, or two days. I want to be able to call you my husband."

He bowed his head as he contemplated her words. He wanted that too. With all of his being, he wanted that time, even if it was really all make believe and would end as soon as it began. His decision made, he turned around to face her and sighed.

"Then allow me to do this correctly," he said as he dropped to one knee, wincing as he felt the after effects of a hex thrown at him last week.

"Marry me, Lia," he said softly as he kissed her hand.

"Yes, you daft man," she said, smiling so brightly he never wanted to stop looking at her face.

* * *

They went to the Headmaster with their decision after dinner. Severus walked Lia through the now student free castle under the mirage of a Disillusionment Charm, as no one's loyalties could be completely certain.

When they told Dumbledore that they wanted to marry before she left, the old man oddly did not look surprised. If you looked at him with enough intent awareness, as Severus always did, you could almost see a hint of relief, and something akin to pride. He took two rings from his own highly adorned fingers.

"These belonged to two people who were married long before either of your own parents were born. And I would be honored if they were yours." He showed the rings to the couple. They were gold bands, heavily engraved in ancient runes. Severus looked at the larger ring more closely and translated the runes as best he could considering he could only see part of them, but when he figured out the order of the words he looked up at Dumbledore questioningly.

" _I am bound to my beloved,_ " Dumbledore said, affirming Severus's translation to be correct.

Dumbledore transfigured the rings into a small, plain gold band for Lia, and a golden cuff for Severus. Dumbledore explained, "No one must ever know you are married, Severus. But I know you will want reminder of this. Of course, since you can't file with the Ministry, it won't be recognized by them, so this isn't a legal marriage, not technically."

"I hadn't thought of that," Lia said, sniffling a little. Severus grasped her hand a little tighter in his own.

"Never fear, my child," said the Headmaster, gently. "You will hand fast and take a blood oath. Previous to the creation of the Ministry it is how wizards were joined, and its bindings are far stronger than the paper filed with the Office of Marriage and Birth."

"And how is that so?" asked Severus, beginning to feel nervous. He knew a little about Blood Magic only from oral tradition, as the books on the subject were long lost to the world. Most were considered to be the darkest of the Dark Arts.

Dumbledore smiled. "I think you know. The blood oath will bind your magic, and your souls, together. Along with the bindings of the hand fast, it will make your lives inseparable, even more inseperable than they already are. You will feel each other's pain and happiness, even when you are apart. And, if one of you were to die before the other," he looked at Lia the most intently when he said this, "you will know. You will recognize it, and will be able to mourn."

Lia clung to Severus tightly.

"When can we do this?" Severus asked.

"I could perform it now, but midnight tonight would be appropriate, as the moon is new."

Severus kissed the top of Lia's head and whispered, "Will you marry me tonight?"

He felt her nod before she laughed lightly and said, "Yes."


	13. Union

A/N: The vows are from a hand-fasting website, and I have no clue which one. I SO did not write them. If anyone thinks they look familiar, please let me know so I can give credit to where it's due. I keep crappy notes sometimes. This is case in point!

Chapter 12 – Union

Severus walked her back to the Room after the met with Dumbledore. He realized Lia was very quiet; in fact, she hadn't said a word since they left the Headmaster's office. When the Room opened for them and he deactivated the charm, he saw the pensive look on her face and immediately thought the worst.

"It's not too late to change your mind," he said. Somewhere he hoped she had, for what they were doing really was absurd. But in the same token, he wanted to be able to call her his wife. Even if it was for two ridiculously short weeks and even if he died before the end of the War, which he was sure he would, he wanted that small bit of happiness.

"What?" she asked. She no longer looked pensive, he noted. Now she just looked exasperated as she frowned up at him. "Do you really have that little self-worth?"

 _That's the Lia I know,_ he thought, though he knew her words had far more truth than she realized.

"You were just so preoccupied," he said smoothly, trying to distract her from that thought. "What were you thinking about?"

She looked a little sad when she said, "I'm getting married today, and I'm happier and more at peace than I have been since the night of the Third Task. Except that I want my mother." She sighed. "Most couples have at least some of their family with them, and you and I have no one."

"You wouldn't have wanted my parents here, nor I for that matter," he said, trying to think of the last time he'd even been to their graves. Probably since the day they were buried there in Spinner's End, shortly after he took his Mark. "I'd hate to see the look on Regulus's face, with me marrying his daughter," he said, laughing harshly.

"Mother would be happy," Lia said, thinking about her mother's eyes when they crinkled with joy.

"Speaking of family, I do have something for you," he said. He reached into the pocket of his coat and brought out the small string of seed pearls he'd rescued from the home on Grimmauld place.

"Mrs. Weasley was going to throw these out – Merlin only knows what treasures she and Sirius gotten rid of trying to purge the home of the Black memories. I remember your mother wearing them when I met her. She said that they had been a wedding present from your father."

He frowned, trying not to let the emotion he felt take over. "I have no ring for you, as the Prince ring would be too recognizable on your finger, if you were found. But do have this." He unclasped the necklace, which he had painstakingly cleaned from the years of dust and neglect, and fixed it around her neck. The ivory pearls glowed as they warmed against her skin.

"Thank you, Severus," Lia whispered softly, touching the necklace with her fingers. "I can't think of any better gift than this."

"Please don't cry, or you'll make me regret giving them to you," he said quietly.

"I'm not going to cry," she said. "But I am going to kiss you if that's okay."

"That I have no qualm with," he said, leaning down to accept the gentle kiss she gave him.

"It's nine o'clock," she said, listening to the chime of the Clock Tower. "Do you mind if I take a nap?"

"Please do, Lia," he said, kissing her cheek softly. "You'll need to rest for … later."

He watched the flush flow from her cheeks to her neck and felt a little thrill himself at the thought of the things that could happen.

"Later," she repeated, shivering a little.

"Later," he said, his voice deep and rounded. Severus knew his voice affected her; the shiver rebounded and her pupils dilated when she looked up into his eyes. He kissed her again, covering his lips with hers and moving into passion before he could stop himself. Her breasts skimmed his body, and his hands moved of their own accord, as though they needed assurance that she was real. Her breasts were … gods, the only word he could think of was that stupid word, "brilliant" that the students were saying now. But they were brilliant, warm and heavy against his hands, hard points already starting to rise from the contact. He felt his own flesh begin to rise as well.

He tore away, panting and grinning as she stared at him with a dazed expression on her face.

"I'll be back at eleven forty-five," he said, setting an Alarm Charm for her.

She nodded slowly and smiled when she finally came out of her stupor.

"It's a date," she said, laughing as he shut the door behind him. Heaven help him, he had to laugh too. Because after she left, the time for laughter would be long gone.

* * *

He came back for her at eleven forty-five sharp, after showering and shaving. He'd even tried to nap as well, though it was a futile attempt. His insomnia was worse when he was nervous, and tonight his nerves were so frayed he could barely stop pacing. He'd been afraid a Summons would ruin their plans, but when his Mark stayed silent and relatively pain free past the hour of eleven, he was able to relax enough to marvel at the idea that he really would be marrying Lia tonight.

The door opened. He forgot how to breathe when he walked in and saw her. She wore light grey dress robes that appeared to be made of silk. They were completely unlike the robes she wore at the Yule Ball; these flowed light and loose around her body until they reached her toes. The sleeves tapered to her wrists, and around the low neck Celtic knots were heavily embroidered into the fabric. Her hair was down, flowing to her waist, and he saw she wore the necklace he'd just given her.

"You are so beautiful," he told her before kissing her softly.

"Thank you, Severus," she said, taking his hand. "I think the Room gave the dress to me as a gift. When I woke up it was just there, laying on the chair by the fireplace."

"Smart Room," he said, willing it to make some other changes when he remembered the small twin bed she slept in at night. He cast a Disillusionment Charm over them both, and they walked to the Headmaster's office again.

Dumbledore was speaking to the portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black, Lia's grandfather several greats over. When they entered, the living and dead Headmasters went silent and smiled.

"Phineas has offered to be an unconventional witness to this unconventional ceremony," Dumbledore said. Lia noticed that his eyes had finally started to twinkle again after being so still after the Third Task.

The portrait spoke. "I never thought that I would witness the marriage of my great great great grandchild. Your grandmother and I are both thankful that you have not disappointed us my marrying a Mudblood or Blood-Traitor – "

" _Phineas_ ," Dumbledore warned.

The man in the portrait sulked. "Can't I be happy that our family line with stay remotely pure with this marriage? Even if it is to a Half-Blood – "

"I could silence you," Severus said very softly. "Don't tempt me."

Lia slapped his arm slightly and walked to the portrait of the dead man. "Will you maintain the secrecy of this event, sir? You said you told the portrait of my grandmother? Will she be discreet as well?"

Phineas' grey eyes, so like hers even in the portrait, softened. "We will never speak of it unless you or your Half-Blood husband asks us about it first."

Lia scowled before returning to Severus's side. The Clock Tower began to chime midnight.

"Shall we begin?" Dumbledore asked the pair.

Severus looked at Lia. "I believe so," he said when he saw her nod.

"Please hold out your right hands, palm facing up."

They both did so, and Dumbledore touched each hand with his wand. Severus felt his eyes sting a little as a long cut opened across his lifeline. Dark red blood began to ooze from the wound. He looked at Lia's hand and saw that the same cut had appeared on hers. Dumbledore gently joined their hands together. Severus could feel the warmth of Lia's blood against his palm. When he looked down at her face, she met his eye and tried to smile. He winked at her, though he knew he bore the same grimace.

Dumbledore removed two long lengths of cloth from his pocket, one red and one black, and wound them around the couple's joined hands.

"Severus and Lia, together please repeat these words after me, together, in one voice:

'As the Sun rises each day, I shall think of you.  
As the stars shine each night, so shall you be constantly in my thoughts.  
As Night follows Day, so closely shall we share our separate thoughts.  
I shall know you as completely, and you shall know me.  
As the blood of my Heart touches yours, so shall I touch your feelings.  
As your Heart beats against my hand, so shall your feelings touch mine.  
My loyalty shall be yours.  
My courage shall be yours.  
The strength of my Heart shall flow through your veins,  
When there is need, I shall be strong for both of us.  
This I swear to you.'"

With each phrase, they stared into each other's eyes and repeated the words, together. Soft melodic tones mixed with baritone to create one voice. Severus felt the combining of their magic and life forces as warmth began to surround his body. Then he saw it with his own eyes. As Dumbledore's powerful voice prompted their own, he saw a bright, white light surround Lia's hands, as well as a dark, glowing light surround his own. They met, intertwined, then blended as though they had never been separate.

Dumbledore placed the gold band on the ring finger of Lia's left hand, and the cuff on Severus's left wrist. Then placed his hands on theirs.

"Now you are bound one to the other with a tie not easy to break. Grow in wisdom and love, that your union will be strong and that your love will last in this life and beyond."

Lia was crying, though this time the tears looked to be happy ones. Severus watched Dumbledore lean down to kiss her cheek. When the Headmaster's head came back into view, Severus saw that his eyes were full of tears as well. Then he felt the wetness on his own cheeks. He blinked and felt more tears join the ones that were already present. He hadn't realized he was crying; the moments and the words and the light had been too intense to focus on anything other than Lia's eyes and the love that had poured out from them when they took their vows.

'It's customary to kiss at the end, you two," said a voice from behind them. Severus looked back at the grinning portrait of Phineas.

He needed no further prodding. He leaned down to his wife and sealed their union with a kiss.


	14. Radiant

A/N: Still not mine. Off to bed, children. The happy couple is getting a honeymoon of sorts, complete with lemons.

Chapter 13 - Radiant

They returned to the Room of Requirement. In their absence, it had replaced her little bed with a huge king sized four poster monstrosity. The fire in the hearth crackled merrily. Severus had to hold back a chuckle as he silently thanked the castle for answering his unspoken wish.

"Who knew the castle had a romantic streak?" Lia giggled.

Severus slid his arms around her from behind. With the last amount of sense he had, he used his wand to cast a Contraceptive Charm before setting it aside. He started placing kisses down the length of her spine, unbuttoning the back of her dress to expose more of her beautiful skin. When the dress was open to the small of her back, he licked the length back up to her neck, blowing softly on the wet skin. Gooseflesh appeared, and she shivered.

He spun her around to face him. Her eyes - her radiant, innocent eyes - had changed. Now they were smoldering, reminding him of the smoke that rose above a blazing fire. He could still see the glimmers of silver, but desire had darkened them. He kissed her, this time not the chaste kiss of before. He kissed her with all the built up desire of the past year, remembering the nights he'd stayed awake thinking of her skin, the fragrance of her hair, the sound of her voice. Now she was his, and she _would_ be his, even if the memory of her drove him insane, he would remember this night and the sweetness of how it began with her sweet, small hands wandering up his arms so that she could touch his face. She broke the kiss, watching him as her hands stroked over his eyes, nose, and cheeks – she left no area on his face untouched. It was so gentle and innocent, yet one of the most erotic things he'd ever experienced.

"I love you," she said, moving down to his neck, fingers slipping in to the high collar of his frock coat and touching the skin there too. Now it was his turn to shiver – his skin was becoming rapidly overheated in comparison to her cool, calm hands. She untied his cravat and pulled it off, exposing his neck, and started to stroke the bare skin there too.

" _So_ many buttons," she whispered, smiling up at him a little as she started to work them loose one by one. He let her undress him as she pleased. Part of him was afraid that she would be timid in her inexperience, but as always, she never failed to surprise him. She seemed confident, even more confident than he felt.

He wanted her to feel adored, and … gods, he wanted her to feel _worshiped_ by the experience. Everything was for her, everything he had ever done and would ever do from this point on would be for her.

She'd unbuttoned him enough to remove his coat. When it came off, the gravity of his previous thoughts hit him completely. It really _had_ all been for her – to bring them to this moment together. If he had not made every decision that he did, good, bad, or otherwise, they may never have even met. And she could already be dead at his Master's hand, or even possibly at his own. And he never would have known her and the love he felt for her. He could have killed his twin flame, snuffing out her light and unknowingly his own. The thought made him sink to his knees in front of her, and he grabbed her waist to steady himself.

"Severus?" she asked, her voice worried. She ran her fingers through his hair, caressing his scalp. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head against her, refusing to ruin the night by dwelling too long in his mind. "Nothing's wrong, my love. I just realized the world made more sense than I ever realized." He looked at Lia's troubled face. "Don't fret," he said.

He moved his hands from the small of her back to the covered skin of her arse, stroking and kneading the soft flesh as he watched Lia undress the top of her body. She pulled her arms out of the long sleeves of the dress, always keeping one hand to her bodice to keep it in place until, with a knowing smile, she lowered it as well, exposing those perfect breasts to his eyes. They were larger than they looked under her clothes, creamy white and tipped with dusky, pink colored nipples. If there was one part of the female form he appreciated the most, it would be a woman's breasts, and it never failed to make him breathless when he was able to be this close to them. He almost grinned when he realized age didn't matter on such things; he was as mesmerized by her now as he would have been at nineteen, and he hoped he still felt like this every time he saw her bared chest, whether it was today, two weeks from now … or whenever he would be able to bring her back home to him.

He shook that thought out of his mind. Tonight was about the present, not about their uncertain future.

As though she could read his mind without the connection of Legilimency, Lia managed to distract him from all of his maudlin thoughts by letting her dress fall to the floor and stepping out of it.

His eyes glittered wildly underneath hooded lids, and he licked his lips as he let his gaze linger over her breasts, dropping next to her curvy hips, then to the patch of blonde hair between her legs. His breath came in quick bursts as he slowly brought his hands to her breasts, just lightly skimming over her nipples with the back of his fingers. Her breath was now coming in gasps, as well.

"Do you like that?" he whispered with a low, slurred voice. He thought he almost sounded drunk when he said, "Let's see if you like this." He touched her again with hands, this time squeezing her breasts and playing with her nipples until they were rock hard and sensitive. He brought his mouth to them, and drew one of her nipples into his mouth.

"I think I like that I lot," she whimpered as her knees got so weak he was afraid she'd fall. Severus stood and moved her to the bed, sitting her on the edge. He decided to give her a minute to catch her breath while he continued to undress. He smirked when their eyes met, and began to arduous process of unbuttoning his shirt after he toed out of his boots and socks. She stood back up on steadier feet, and helped as best she could, working from the bottom as he worked from the top. Their hands met in the middle and tangled as they both attempted to cast it aside.

"Promise me something," she said as she ran her fingers over the exposed skin. He was glad that he was not as scrawny as he appeared when he moved about the castle like a wraith. He was slender, that was sure, and was at least a stone underweight if not more, but he was solid with very lean muscle.

"I will promise you anything in my power," he said.

"You spend your life so restrained under the confines of the expectations that Dumbledore has placed on you and the ones you place on yourself. Don't hold back. Not here," she said as she tentatively stroked the mound of hard flesh underneath his trousers.

He hissed. "I may hurt you." It had been the one thought that had worried him the most about this night, besides the fear that his Mark would begin to burn.

"I don't think you will, not the way you think," she said, the confidence in her voice high, even though it rang a little false in his ears. "They say it will hurt regardless. You won't hurt me more than that if you listen to me and watch me. And since you can't take your eyes of me," she said and blushed, "and since you have been listening to my every word, I trust you. Completely." Lia took a deep breath when she was done with her little speech, as though she was steeling herself for what was to come. That saddened him a little; he didn't want her to be afraid of the pleasure that was ahead of them tonight. But, he knew he could never understand the pain. Men were happily unaware of the female experience.

He let her unbutton his trousers, pushing the fabric down over his narrow hips, taking his pants down with them. He brought his hands to her arms, but whether he was trying to stop her or encourage her he really couldn't say anymore, because his focus was on the hard, erect flesh that sprang in between them. When he saw her face become very intent, a tell that she was nervous, he knew she finally understood his fear that he would hurt her. He cautiously stepped out of his trousers, though he smiled a little when he realized that they were both nude except for their wedding jewelry.

Lia ran her hands over the skin of his abdomen and watched the muscles underneath jump. Then she brought her hands to his pectoral muscles, his nipples hardening underneath her touch. Severus sighed, enjoying the power this little witch had over him as she circled behind him, appreciating the way the muscles of his arse met his back and legs. She touched the skin there, too, watching the muscles react. His breathing turned ragged. She ran her little hands up his back, and stood on her tiptoes to plant a line of kisses down his spine, as he had to her. He knew when she felt something other than his smooth skin under her lips, for she pulled back, startled. The light was so low that she probably had not seen them yet – the claw marks that started just above his right flank and ended just at his spine.

"What happened?" she asked.

He sighed when her lips joined her fingers. "A werewolf attacked me when I was a student here. I was not bitten, but I do like a bloody roast now and then because of it." He tried to make light of the event for her sake, not wanting to spoil the mood, but the humor fell cold on his lips.

He turned to face her, pulling her into his arms and leading her back to the bed. He pushed her down upon it a little roughly. Then he laid next to her, and his hands were on her breasts again. She arched her back in pleasure as he played with her nipples, as he trying to see just how hard he could make them with only his firm touch. When his mouth joined the efforts of his fingers, she cried out his name, spurring him on.

"Too much?" he whispered before he licked the valley between her breasts.

"More," she said. "Don't stop." The ache in his groin intensified with her words, and he continued his exploration of her body as he started kissing her belly and abdomen.

"Please," she whimpered as his mouth stopped above the curls between her thighs.

His could hear the shallow, quick pants of both of their breaths when he parted her legs. A sighing, soft moan left his lips when he saw how beautiful she was, even there. Gods, he wanted her to feel how much he adored her, how much of her he carried with him.

He touched her, just tracing the outer skin with his fingertips, watching her face with every movement he made. When she opened her eyes, he saw the wonder he felt mirrored there.

"Lia," he whispered, touching her again, watching for her reactions to him.

"You make me feel sacred," she said. "Please don't stop."

He skimmed his fingertips through her curls, over her clit. Then he kissed the soft skin, licking at the moisture of her building desire. Her honeyed taste unlike anything he'd ever experienced – it made him absently wonder if that's why she always smelled so sweet underneath her perfume. She ran his fingers through his long hair, trying to encourage him to continue.

 _As though that were necessary_ , he thought as he continued to lick, his tongue curling to tease her clit then dipping into her opening, tasting her deeper and deeper at each pass. Incoherent words spilled from her mouth, begging him to continue, scolding him if he slowed. He groaned against her wet skin just as he slipped one of fingers into her. Her muscles clamped down against him, but he continued a pace of long, deep strokes with in her until he found a spot that made her speech stammer, and in finding it he curled his finger up and began to massage her inner flesh. At first she tried to fight against it, not understanding it, until he spoke.

"You're so close, Lia. Just let it happen. Come all over me. Don't hold it back," he said, his voice like silk.

She surrendered to it as he slipped a second one in to join the first. She cried out now, wordlessly begging him to help her, and when he added just the tip of his third finger and bit her clit roughly she lost control. Wave after wave of pleasure pulsed through her as she shuddered and arched beneath him, screaming his name. As it was beginning to subside he slipped the third finger in completely, which made it begin all over again. Tears slid from her eyes as she came apart.

When it was over, he slid back up the bed next to her, enjoying the look of contentment in her face. She trailed her fingers down his chest and abdomen, then encircled him in her hand. She stroked him timidly at first.

"Does it feel ok?" she whispered as she continued to stroke.

"Gods yes," he replied, his voice coming out in soft whimpers. "I don't want to come now. I need to be inside you. I want to feel those tight, hot, wet, sweet walls wrapped around me when I come."

She nodded and smiled at his earthy language. " _Faisons l'amour_ ," she said softly.

"That term doesn't even begin to cover how much I crave you, nor how much I love you. I don't know if there's a word in any language that does."

She touched his face. "They say there's a tribe of native peoples in America who have fifty words for snow. We'll find one to describe it," she said as she kissed his lips.

He drew her against him, and she opened her legs to meet him as he nudged himself to her entrance. She groaned against the pressure as he slowly slid his way in, then with a quick motion of his hips he sheathed himself completely inside her.

"Oh sweet Merlin," he cried out as he fought for control over his body, which was already demanding release inside her tight warmth.

"Severus," she whispered, some measure of pain evident in her voice. He winced, as though he could feel the hurt. She lifted a hand from his shoulder to wipe away the tears that were forming in the corners of her eyes. Her chest rose against him as she took a deep breath and flexed her hips.

"Oh," she said softly, looking a little surprised. He had thrust slightly within her when her hips moved before he could stop himself.

"What is it?" he asked her, as he tried desperately to maintain some semblance of control.

"When you move a little, it feels …" She moved again experimentally, as though she were testing out a theory. If he weren't trying so hard not to come, he might have laughed.

Severus flexed his hips, withdrawing from her and then thrusting back into her gently, trying as hard as he could not to cause any more of her tears. When he heard her moan, and saw the beautiful pink color rise high in her cheeks and on her chest, he knew the worst was over. She tried to start moving with him, and with his words and actions he taught her how to meet her hips with his as he rocked himself within her body, slowly at first. But when she started to rock with him with confidence and arched her chest into his, he finally started to let go as he sped up his thrusts.

Sweat began to form over both of them, slickening their bodies and perfuming the room with their combined scents of lavender, sandalwood, and the earthier notes of their lovemaking. He became rougher, more forceful with his movements, able to completely let go of his restraint as she'd asked of him when he finally started to see the signs of her coming orgasm. Her color rose even higher while the muscles around him clenched tighter and tighter with each thrust.

"Severus," she cried. She shuddered against him, violently, her walls clamped around him with such force that he couldn't help but follow her over the edge. He growled when he came, never taking his eyes of hers as he shouted his pleasure and emptied himself into her. Careful not to crush her, he rolled over on his side and took her with him.

It was a long time before he spoke. He'd had to catch his breath, which took a little longer than he'd expected. On top of that, the orgasm he'd just had had pretty well blurred out any coherent thoughts from his mind.

"I love you," he said, since it was the only material thought that he could grab onto with any form of clarity.

Giggling a little, she looked at him and said, "I love you too, Severus. And, I wouldn't mind trying that again."

He smirked and kissed her, nodding in silent agreement.

* * *

(A/N: PS, me and the death seeking duo (aka, my children) are about to go off on holiday to the Redneck Rivera. I might be able to squeeze one chapter in, but that may just be procrastination for packing speaking on my part. So, I'll be talking to you in about a week).


	15. Chill

Chapter 14

 _1982_

With her little girl in hand, Sarah walked into Selwyn House for the first time in her memory. Her grandmother had passed when Sarah was still a baby in the care of her cousins, and though she was told about it when she was old enough to remember, she did not remember the estate at all.

The mirrors were covered in black sheets as though the funerals of her mother and grandparents had just happened yesterday, rather than almost a quarter century ago. It was spotless, thank goodness for that. She had asked Kreacher to let house-elf called Jibby know that she was going to return to her ancestral home as soon as the word spread that the Dark Lord had fallen.

Since the death of her husband, it was one of the few things that brought a smile to her lips, other than her child.

She had not seen the fall in her mind, though she knew that it would happen as certain as she knew that the Cannons would always finish at the bottom of the League. Her father was gone, for now at least, she mused as she looked at the three urns in the sitting room, each baring the name of someone that had been killed, either by his hand or by his actions, in his quest for power.

First, her grandfather, Darius, killed from a slow working poison that had been given to him over time from the first moment that Tom Riddle had joined the Knights of Walpurgis. Then her mother, Elena, who Sarah believed was the recipient of the Killing Curse shortly after she was born. And last, her grandmother, Bianca, who died of a broken heart. Sweet Bee, who never knew her own father due to the racism that was still running rampant in their world today. Racism that she helped to perpetuate due to her own ignorance.

"Mummy," her little curly haired girl said as they stared at the urns. "What are those?"

"Nothing but ashes," she answered, pulling out her wand. "Wingardium leviosa," she said, swishing and flicking her wand so that the urns floated to the mantle of the fireplace, out of reach the little hands that were clapping with the action. She smiled at her little girl, though she knew the smile was sad.

"Is this our new home?" Serena – no _, Cordelia_ – asked as she walked to the sofa and sat gingerly on the old furniture.

"It is," Sarah said, as she sat down next to her child. "This is where I was born and where your Grandmother Elena grew up."

"We won't go back to see Grandmother Black?" Cordelia asked, shuddering a little. Her daughter was afraid of the woman she favored so greatly. Since Regulus's death, the woman had grown absolutely monstrous. The Dark Lord's downfall coupled with Sirius's imprisonment had destroyed what little was left of her goodness. When Sarah mentioned that they would move back to her ancestral home, they were immediately disowned and thrown out of the house with the clothes on their backs. They had stayed with Narcissa and Lucius until Kreacher had covertly let her know that Selwyn House was ready. Her last request of the ancient elf was that he never speak to another soul about their existence. Tears had run down from the elf's huge eyes when he nodded, just before he Apparated back to Grimmauld Place.

"We won't go back, darling, don't fear," she said, putting her arm around her daughter's shoulders and squeezing.

"Will Aunt Cissy come see us?" she asked, brightening with the news that had apparently made her very happy.

"I'm already here, Cordelia," came a voice from the hallway.

"Aunt Cissy!"

Sarah watched her daughter run to her godmother, who scooped her into her arms as though she hadn't just seen her an hour ago. The two were almost inseparable now. Narcissa had longed for a daughter, but Draco's birth had been so difficult that the Healers told her never to risk having another child. Sarah was glad to share her sweet girl with her best friend and cousin who she loved so dearly.

"I've asked Jibby to make us a roast for supper," Narcissa said, setting down the little girl and looking at Sarah now. "And I told Lucius not to expect me back tonight. We need to put a little life in the place, don't you think?"

Sarah nodded. "Lucius won't …"

Narcissa grinned. "Don't worry about him, my dear. I cast a little memory charm on him. You're as safe as houses. Though I hate the thought that Draco won't get to know his cousin, I do understand."

"Thank you, sister," Sarah said, standing up to hug the blonde witch.

"Thank _you_ , my sister," Narcissa answered. "Just be thankful Andromeda was disowned years ago and Bella is too self-centered to even grasp that children exist. Not that it matters," she finished, sniffling.

"Just be glad you and Lucius were spared," Sarah whispered. The thoughts that Narcissa would suffer from her husband's mistakes had often crossed her mind, and she was glad it had not come to pass. Yet.

Narcissa nodded. "Let's stop this. Come, Little Lia, let's see the room Jibby and Kreacher set up for you."

"Let's," Cordelia said, giggling as she followed Narcissa up the staircase to the upstairs suites.

As Sarah watched the pair, a cold draft ran through her like ice. She ignored it this time, not wanting to know what came ahead for them. She thought of the dark, pale man who had also escaped Azkaban's cells, hoping that whatever the chill meant, he would be there to stop it.

* * *

 _1995_

Severus awoke the next morning to the sensation that he was going to suffocate. He pulled himself into awareness, slightly panicked about the pressure on his chest. When he opened his eyes, he realized that the weight came from a blond headed witch who was still fast asleep and sprawled over him as though she had rights to the space of the entire bed, even if he was in the way. Trying very hard not to wake her, he moved her body off of his, though kept her as close to his as possible.

He'd slept little the previous night, though not entirely due to the evening's later activities. After he and Lia made love, she'd fallen asleep quickly. She apparently was not the insomniac night owl that he was, he'd noted wryly several times while he watched her sleep. He wondered if Lia knew she snored, ever so slightly, when she slept the deepest. When he slept lighter, she smiled sweetly.

Last night had been … he couldn't even put words to it. He'd meant what he told her when he said words no longer described what he felt for her. After losing himself in her body, the emotions ran deeper still. It was more than love, more than a binding or a marriage. She was as part of him as his cursed Dark Mark, interwoven into his magic and soul.

Over the course of the night, his mind had drifted to so many of the different places that he tried to keep locked away with Occulomency while in the presence of others. If he wasn't thinking of this beloved woman, he oddly thought of Lily. Severus wondered if this is what she'd experienced with Potter when they had come together. He hoped that it was, having now experienced it first-hand.

He understood, now, that his love for her was obsession with a memory. She was a ghost who haunted him, no longer reminding him what was good about himself or his life. Rather, she only reminded him of his faults now, of everything he had failed and done wrong. The night of her death had been the one of the lowest points of his life. Everything he had ever been told about himself came true. He was too weak, too slow, too late – too unable to do anything to stop the deaths that occurred.

Every time he remembered her red hair and her bright green eyes, he was not recalling the best of him. Indeed, she did not represent the best of him at all, not even the emotion that he'd long felt for her did. Nor did his actions to help Potter's son show the good that was in him.

What characterized the best of him was here with him, right now, laying in his arms and snoring a little as she puffed the hair away from her mouth. He smiled and moved the hair away from her face. He watched her after the movement, seeing her breathing change and the smile creep back to her face. She shifted a little, sighing in his arms as she stretched against him.

"Are you awake?" he asked as he stroked her cheek with his finger.

"I might be," she yawned. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "How long have _you_ been awake?"

"A while," he admitted. "I don't sleep very well at night. When the students are here I spend most of my time on duty in the corridors or on research."

"Sounds lonely," she said, grabbing one of his hands in hers and tangling their fingers together.

"I never really thought of it that way until I met you," he said before kissing her lips softly. "Now I know."

"What is it you know?" she asked, kissing him back.

He pulled away to look into her eyes when he said, "My biggest fear about last night would be that I would never be able to let you go once I experienced a night with you in my arms."

"Are you still afraid of that?" she asked softly, touching his face with her free hand.

He nodded only slightly, part of him not wanting to admit the truth even now.

"I don't want to lose this," he said, feeling his breath hitch in his chest as he admitted the truth. "I don't ever want to lose you, even for a little while – even a day." His voice cracked on the last word, and he immediately tried to Occlude his mind before he was reduced to tears.

"Stop it," she said, sitting up next to him now and holding him. "Stop trying to lock in all up, Severus. Please feel it, darling."

"No," he said. His chest was beginning to ache as he fought to seek the refuge of the empty winter of his mind. With his eyes closed, he started to put all the thoughts of the pain away –

"STOP!" Lia cried.

His eyes snapped open. She was holding her own chest, breathing heavily.

"I can feel how much you hurt now, remember?" she said desperately. "I don't want to feel the blankness – I want to feel what you feel. I know your heart is breaking because mine is too!"

He tried to take deep breaths, still attempting to steady himself, though his mind was present with her. He nodded, fighting back the tears.

"My heart is breaking," he whispered, admitting the truth. "I just found you, and now …"

He could no longer fight. He openly wept, letting her hold him as shudders wracked through both of their bodies. The tears from her own eyes fell on his face and hair, mixing with his just as their magic and souls had the night before.

He wanted to curse Albus from linking her so intimately with him, for letting him be known like this to another person. Privacy and isolation had been hard won for him, and now it was gone.

Perhaps he should be glad that it is gone, he thought, as she felt her press against him. Her warmth covered him like a banner as sheltered him with her body. For the first time in his life, he felt completely loved.

"Shhhh," she gentled, though if she were crooning to herself or to him he could not say. While her own tears still fell, she kissed his away. "I won't really be going anywhere, Severus. Not really. Not ever. Part of me will always be within you, whether you are aware of it or not. I am bound to you, by my soul and magic and heart, my beloved man."

He tried to speak but could not. Then he tried to at least nod that he'd heard her speak, but found himself too tired to move. So he let her hold him, so close to the edge of exhaustion that he was fighting to keep his eyes open.

He was only vaguely aware that she had started humming the nursery rhyme, "The Seer's Child", to herself as she rocked him in her arms. Then, she sang in a sad, clear voice.

 _"Children of Seers long for tears  
_ _As time of the future is told  
_ _When the world turns round and the fears  
_ _Of men and wizards are out and sold_

 _They go on through the times and years  
_ _Seeking a way to hide from the fold  
_ _Yet all is for naught, the end so near  
_ _The world is young, the child so old"_


	16. Right

A/N: There be more lemons ahead.

Chapter 15 - Right

"That boy is an absolute idiotic menace. What the hell was he thinking, Albus?"

"Other than trying to save his cousin as well as himself?"

Dumbledore looked at him over his little half-moon spectacles, frowning slightly at the overreaction. But frankly, Severus couldn't help himself. Casting a Patronus Charm in Little Whinging in plain sight of the Muggles, using underage magic outside of the school at that, and the stupidity of him leaving his home after the Dark Lord's return?

He took it back, he wasn't overreacting. Something wasn't right about any of this.

"Why isn't the boy being protected by the Order, Albus?"

"He is, Severus. Arabella Figg and Mundungus Fletcher–"

"A squib and a petty thief? I can't believe that's your idea of protection."

Albus sat back in his chair, taking a lemon drop from the dish on his desk. "Care for one?" he asked.

"You know I hate those things," Severus replied. He waited for an answer, starting to get impatient. It was well past two in the morning, and he'd just gotten back from a rather trying Summons, even by the Dark Lord's own standards. Plans were being made to break the team that had tormented the Longbottoms out of Azkaban. Severus shuddered at the thought of Bellatrix being back out in the regular world. She had been completely insane before her sentence, and he was positive that he didn't want to see what Azkaban had done to her.

Who he did want to see was Lia, almost desperately. Between Order meetings, making arrangements for her departure, and tonight's Summons he hadn't seen her in two days, as he'd been leaving at dawn and coming back long past midnight.

"Mrs. Figg has been looking after Harry since I first took him to the Dursley's home. She immediately alerted the Order when she realized what had happened. Harry won't take well to being followed or knowing he'd being watched, I wouldn't think. Better for it to have been someone who could hide in plain sight," Dumbledore finished, chewing thoughtfully on the sweet in his mouth.

"That may be the most naïve thing I've ever heard you say, Albus," Severus said through clinched teeth. "The Dark Lord hunts him daily. The only protection the boy has is that house or the school, and yet he roams around as though he hasn't a care in the world. Do you really want him to die and all this be for naught?"

The Headmaster regarded him very thoughtfully, and stayed silent so long that Severus felt a chill come up his spine.

"I have my reasons. When the time is right, you will understand better. But now is not the time to discuss those matters."

He paused, staring at Severus's wrist as though he could see though his heavy black coat and cloak, clear through to the gold metal hidden underneath.

"When will it be time? You ask me to protect him, risk everything – including my life – on a daily basis, and yet I know nothing more than what you think I ought to know. I would serve you and the Order better if you started to trust me, or at least pretended to. I no longer have an ulterior reason to be on your side. Lily Evans is dead, and my misplaced love for her no longer binds me to protect the boy. One day, you will have to believe that the only reason I am doing this is because it is what is right. Nothing more, nothing less." He looked away, rubbing his wrist and breathing heavily.

"There is a cost of knowing too much, Severus. Make no mistake of that," was all the older man had to say, before he started examining the papers on his desk – papers concerning Potter's appearance before the Wizengamot.

"Then I'll take my leave," Severus said coolly as he walked to the door. He was tired of talking in circles with both of his Masters. All he wanted was to curl up beside his wife and listen to her soft breathing as she slept.

"Wait, Severus," Dumbledore called after him.

He paused, head hanging in frustration. Turning, he tried not to sound too irritated when he said, "It better be pressing, Albus."

"Then I'll make it quick. How is Lia doing?"

Severus almost screamed in exasperation. "If you would let me leave, I'd be able to find out. Actually, why don't you tell me? I expect you've seen her today, whereas I have not."

The old man had the nerve to chuckle before he waved him away. "Goodnight, then. Come back in the morning and we'll talk more."

"Late morning," Severus muttered as he all but ran out of the door and down the winding steps.

* * *

Lia was asleep, of course, when he entered the Room.

He sighed heavily and slipped out of his clothes and into the bed next to her. When he put his arm around her, his hand met cool, smooth skin and not the silk of her night clothes or undergarments she preferred to sleep in. Lifting the sheets slightly, he saw that she'd worn nothing to bed.

 _Dammit._

She must have been waiting up for him and fallen asleep before he could return. Now, he'd have to endure – he looked at the clock across the room – at least four hours of torment before she woke. He couldn't bear to wake her, though he pondered it. Sleep was now a refuge for her, and he wouldn't interrupt it.

He molded his body against hers and started counting her breaths.

By the time he reached ten, he realized that she was faking.

For one, she wasn't snoring lightly like she would have normally when she was this still and breathing this deeply.

Secondly, her hand was wandering back to his hip with more determination than a half asleep fondle should have produced.

He grabbed his wand from the bedside stand and cast the Charm over her, just in case she'd forgotten.

"When were you going to let me know that you'd waited up?" he asked after putting down his wand and covering her hand with his, bringing it to the half erect flesh between them. As tentative as she'd been less than a week ago, she was confident now in her abilities to please him. They'd learned how to satisfy each other faster than he would have expected. Besides being attuned to each other's needs and desires through their bonding, they were both fast learners, Lia especially. In just a couple of determined, focused strokes, he was completely hard.

"I was going to surprise you," she said. "How did you know I was awake?"

"I have my ways." He moved her hand away and slipped into her slowly, still giving her time to adjust to him before he started moving. They hadn't made love in this position yet, on their sides and spooning. He didn't think he ever had before – there was something very intimate about it that wasn't right for one night stands with strangers and bought encounters.

She gasped sharply when he thrust especially deep while holding her hips as close to his as he could.

"Too much?" he asked, hoping the answer was no. She felt so good right now, and he was buried so far into her he was having trouble breathing.

"No, it's so … oh, gods," she moaned, drawing out the last word so long she almost sounded like the southern American woman she would soon become.

"So wet," he whispered, thrusting again, harder, listening to the completely mind blowing sound of their skin meeting.

"So hard," she groaned, grinding her hips against his.

She started playing with her clit, making herself come quickly. The quick, hard spasms made his eyes cross and his hips snap faster against her. He pressed wet, open mouthed kisses against her neck and back while she finished, sucking hard when he felt himself start to join her. Reaching up to cup her breasts in his hands, he gave himself over the orgasm that slammed through his body.

It was too good, and he didn't want to move away from her after his vision finally came back into focus and his breathing slowed. But he wanted to see her face, and moreover he wanted to kiss her properly without breaking her neck. Very carefully, he pulled out of her and rolled to his back, bringing her with him. She sighed as he kissed her thoroughly, taking his time and leaving both of them breathless again before he finally pulled back to catch his breath.

"That was pretty amazing," she said in between gasps for air.

"Quite," he agreed. He stroked her hair as they lay together, enjoying each other's presence.

She looked up at him and smiled languidly.

"I missed you. I guess things are busy now, aren't they?" she asked softly.

He nodded. "Very, especially now that Potter has gotten himself into trouble with the Ministry."

"What has he done?"

He rolled his eyes upwards. "A Dementor apparently decided to pay him a visit close to his aunt and uncle's home. He cast a Patronus Charm to protect himself and his cousin, and now the Wizengamot wants to hang him for it, from the looks of things."

Lia was stunned. "That ridiculous. If a Dementor was present and he – "

"I know, Lia. It'll be sorted. The trial is on the twelfth," he said, closing his eyes.

"That's the day I leave," she said.

The hopeful sound in her voice made him wince, because he knew what her next question would be. Then a soft finger touched his cheek. When he opened his eyes he studied her face, which had grown sad and thoughtful.

"It won't delay anything, will it?"

"No," he said and shook his head. "We'll leave after Albus returns from the trial, just a little later than planned."

She looked away and nodded, sniffling a little and shutting her eyes tightly before she opened them again.

"There's really no hope then? I can't just stay here in this room forever?"

Severus shook his head.

"Would you really want to?" he asked as he cupped her cheek with his hand.

"If I got to see you just for ten minutes a day … yes. Absolutely," she said, determination ringing from every syllable.

"You aren't safe, my darling. Not even here," he said, hating every word he was forced to utter. "You won't even know you're gone."

"I'll know," she whispered. "I'll know because you'll know. I'll never be happy until I'm back home with you."

It took all of his strength not to cry as he saw the forlorn expression on her face. Instead, he kissed her, trying his best to tear her mind away from it just for a minute.

"Take me to the Astronomy Tower," she whispered against his lips.

"It's late," he murmured.

"I want to see the stars, Severus. I need to see the sky again, and I need you with me," she said, her voice pleading.

He nodded and slipped out of bed, dressing in his discarded clothes. After staring at his coat for several seconds, he left it off. Lia's dressing gown was on the back of the chair he'd laid his clothes on. He grabbed it instead and turned to watch her slide on a soft white nightgown that barely covered her legs.

"You'll catch your death," he said, holding out the robe for her wear. She accepted it and belted it tightly.

"I think I know someone who can keep me warm," she said as she took his arm. He cast a Notice Me Not Charm over them both and they left the Room.

They were silent as they traveled through the castle. Though they could see each other, nothing else, not even the ghosts, could see them as long as they passed through the corridors relatively sound free. When they reached the stairs leading up to the Tower, the bell to the Clock Tower rang three times, announcing the hour.

The sky was still black as pitch when they reached the top. The moon was nowhere in sight, and the unused castle was very dark.

Severus shivered. Even though it was a warm night, he was so rarely without his protective layers that was no longer used to feeling the wind on his body. He adjusted to it quicker than he thought he would, though, especially when Lia leaned against him.

"Wait," she said, slipping out of her dressing gown and casting it to the side. When she looked up at him, he swore he could see her flush despite the fact that there was no light to illuminate her face. "I want to feel the breeze on my skin."

He shook his head and held in a chuckle as she leaned against him again. He let his hands wander around her waist.

"I smell rain," he said. As soon as the words left his mouth, the sound of rainfall filled the air around them, and the sweet smell grew even stronger.

"So much for the stars," she said. She reached her hands over the railing and captured some of the drops in her hands and laughed. The sound was like music to him, and he wanted to hear more.

He leaned against her and held his hands out as well, feeling the cool rain on his bare skin. As the rain started to cover his arms, for some reason it made him smile.

The wind shifted, bringing to wet into the open balcony of the tower. He grabbed Lia's waist and tried to make her step back, but he felt her shake her head against him. Instead, she leaned forward, letting it fall her body.

He couldn't resist seeing the expression on her face while she was acting so foolish. Grabbing his wand, he said, "Lumos mysteria." A soft glow that only they could see filled the tower. He looked at her face, seeing her wide smile as the rain fell on her.

"Why?" he asked.

She looked over to him, her smile even bigger than it had been before. "I've always loved the rain," she laughed.

Gods, he wanted more of that sound, that precious sound he hadn't realized he'd been missing. He walked back out to the railing and let it fall on him as well.

Her laughter grew louder.

He felt like an addict when he leaned over the railing, letting the rain soak his hair and face. For some reason, it made her laugh even more, the sound ringing in his ears like church bells. Grabbing her hand, he brought her out with him, and soon they were both wet.

It must have looked ridiculous, if anyone had been watching, seeing two adults letting themselves get soaked in a downpour and laughing like total lunatics. But it didn't feel crazy, and once he brought her back from the edge it didn't even feel foolish. When he looked at her, in the faint light of the spell, it all felt very right. Her white gown clung to every curve of her body. He could see her nipples, rock hard and dark with desire under the wet fabric and the patch of curls where her thighs met.

Suddenly, it wasn't so funny anymore. Desire drove through him, hitting his head and his groin. All of the blood in his body suddenly dropped to fill his cock. Lia knew it too – her breathing had picked up to a pant, and it wasn't from her laughter.

Suddenly the night air hit the wet skin of his chest, and he realized Lia had ripped open his shirt and was working on undoing his belt and the buttons on his trousers. He slowly backed her against the stone wall and settled himself between her legs, freeing himself and pushing up with one thrust.

"Fuck," he cried out. She was so hot inside, a sharp contrast to the cooler air around them.

"Please … _fuck me_ ," she whispered. He'd never heard her curse that coarsely before. She had a dirty mouth when she was passionate about something or angry, to be sure, but she'd never said that word before. For some reason it made him crazy. Just like needing to hear her laughter again, he wanted - no he _needed_ \- to hear her tell him that again.

"I couldn't hear you," he whispered into her ear, biting it gently.

"Fuck me," she said, louder this time. She lowered the top of her gown, baring her chest.

The sight of her wet breasts combined with her words broke his self-control. He pounded into her, not holding back a bit. It was completely primal, and he knew he'd feel like an animal on the walk back to the Room, but … gods, he no longer cared. He just wanted his wife, and for some reason the crazy little woman wanted him too.

"Rain will never smell the same," she gasped into his ear, just before she came.

"I'd hope not," he answered, biting her neck and shuddering against her as his release poured out of him.


	17. Waltz

Chapter 16 - Waltz

The three of them sat in the Headmaster's office. It was 11 August, 1995 – Lia's last day.

All of the plans had been made now. Albus had consulted an old friend in the Magical Congress in the states just after the Dark Lord's return, explaining the bare basics of their unique situation. They had agreed to harbor her close to them, in an outlying town not far from the Congress's home in New Orleans – the epicenter of the Wizarding World in America. It would be the equivalent of living in one of the safe houses for the Order, except that she would be so buried into the rural area that they hoped there would be little chance that she would be found. The American Aurors, called "The Dark Men," would watch her and protect her until her memory returned after the death of the Dark Lord.

Severus snorted to himself as he thought of the lack of concern his Master now had about finding her. She was not considered a threat to him like Potter was. In fact, the Death Eaters had been told that "She will return to me" by the overconfident creature only a few nights ago. He seemed so sure that the mere fact that the she carried his blood line would draw her to him. It would be interesting to see the expression on his face, one day, when he finally realized that she was as repulsed by him.

"What's so funny Severus?"

He looked up sharply and caught the bemused expression on the Headmaster's face.

"Nothing, Albus," he said, wishing to leave his private thoughts alone.

"We'll leave tomorrow, after the trial is over. I have decided to leave a little early," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling, "just to make sure I don't miss anything. I'll bring the Portkey back to Hogwarts with me."

"That's that," Lia said softly, closing her eyes and turning her head away.

"Yes, my dear. That's that," said the Headmaster. He seemed to assess her appearance for a moment before he spoke again. "Would you like me to go ahead and perform the charms?"

She opened her eyes, alarmed, and looked at Severus. "I thought I had another day."

"Not those charms. I meant the glamours to change your appearance."

Lia let out a deeply held breath and looked at Severus. He shrugged, leaving it up to her to decide. What she looked like didn't matter to him, one way or another.

"Let's go ahead and do it then," she murmured, standing up and walking over to the edge of the Headmaster's desk.

Dumbledore took out his wand. "As we discussed?"

She nodded and smiled. "I did always want to be a ginger," she said, giggling a little.

"We do have more fun," Dumbledore agreed, sharing her laughter as he pulled out his wand.

"Stop," Severus said.

Lia looked at him with alarm. "Do you want to wait?"

"No, Lia," he said. "Just come here, please."

She walked to his chair and kneeled down next to him, averting her eyes from his.

"Look at me," he said. She returned his stare, and he took one last look of her beautiful grey eyes, the first pair of eyes that ever looked into his heart and soul.

Nodding now, he looked at Albus as she stood back up.

"Mutatio belle."

Severus watched the charm glimmer over her. Her hair lengthened as her blonde curls loosened and turned a shade of fiery strawberry blonde. Her eyes changed from the grey that he could lose himself in, to a vividly bright blue-green. Laughing a little, he watched her nose grow slightly bigger, her face changing shape as the cleft in her chin disappeared and her cheeks rounded out, freckles splash over them. Her skin overall grew several shades darker than her normal porcelain skin; she almost looked like she had a light, golden tan. The effects completely altered her appearance - there was no subtlety as originally planned.

"What do you think?" she asked nervously, looking at Severus.

"Don't you want to see for yourself first?" he asked.

When she shook her head, he stood up and slowly walked next to her, cupping her face with both of his hands.

"Why?" he asked.

"Am I still … " Tears filled her eyes as she attempted to speak. She cleared her throat and started over. "If you met me again, would you still think me beautiful?"

"Of course," he whispered, before he kissed every tear from her face. Quickly kissing her lips, he pulled away and smiled at her. "If you came into my office again tomorrow, I would still think you were the most beautiful woman I ever met. You know what I feel goes far beyond what my eyes see when they look at you. Your beauty comes from your heart, a heart that beats for me as mine beats for you. You make me …" he paused and looked into her new eyes, feeling like he had new eyes of his own now. "Do you remember the book of Muggle poems we read a few nights ago?"

She nodded.

" _Your slightest look easily will unclose me, though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens, (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose_ ,***" he said, quoting the passage from his perfect, photographic memory. "I don't know how else to put it into words."

"That's perfect," she said, kissing him now.

They lost sense of time and place, briefly, until Severus was harshly brought back to the present by the burning sensation radiating from his left forearm. He cursed and looked up at Lia, who wordlessly left him arms, nodding to herself.

"You have to go," she said, rubbing her shoulder. "I understand."

He looked over to Albus.

"I'll take care of everything here. Lia and I have a few more things to discuss," Dumbledore said calmly.

Severus nodded, then took Lia's hand in his and kissed it before leaving the room.

* * *

It was nightfall by the time he was able to return, but only just.

The Summons had thankfully been … uneventful. The Dark Lord had been celebrating Potter's error, as he had been every day since they'd managed to loosen a Dementor on Little Whinging.

When Potter's hearing tomorrow was not the topic of conversation, the subject was increasing their ranks. They were trying to bring in more Death Eaters, attempting to rally together the older supporters who had not taken the Mark as well as new members.

Severus had been charged with a task tonight, one that both irritated him completely while making him want to laugh out loud. He would have to ally himself with Delores Umbridge, if Lucius were able to use his influence to bring her into Hogwarts. She would be a useful tool, if he were successful, as she was the Minister's right hand, constantly whispering her thoughts into his ear.

As he walked onto the castle grounds, he wondered how Albus would take the news of the school being infiltrated by the Ministry, as well as the ulterior motives for it. Severus didn't mind potentially losing the Dark Arts position again, over the years it had been more habit than anything that made him continue to apply, and Dumbledore continue to refuse him.

He genuinely preferred teaching Potions, all of his spare time and energy went into teaching and research rather than exploration of the Dark Arts now. Maybe, when everything was at an end, he would take up the post, or perhaps there could be some middle ground, and he could teach both. His expertise was a little lost on the younger students anyways, and it was difficult for him not to speak well over their heads.

He shook his head at these thoughts, looking up at the castle as he walked. The Astronomy Tower was just in view, reminding him of all the good memories he had with Lia there.

Thoughts of the last time they were there made his eyes grow even darker in the dim light.

Severus had indeed felt like an animal when he put Lia's dressing gown over her torn white nightgown. Which one of them had actually torn it, he wasn't sure of. But he'd been sore as they walked down the many flights of steps. Lia was so exhausted and sore herself that he'd needed to carry her as she didn't trust herself to be able to walk.

The next several nights, he'd only held her and watched her as she slept, despite her protests that she was not injured by their frantic coupling. When she finally convinced him that he had genuinely not hurt her, they'd made love again, as slowly and tenderly as he could manage.

He took out his wand and cast his Patronus, sending the moth with a message to Dumbledore that would give him a basic outline of what was to come. The events could and would be discussed in person, later. This evening was reserved with other plans, if nothing went wrong.

As he watched the silvery moth fly away, he saw a second ghostly shape fly to him. It was Lia's butterfly. He watched in amusement as it flitted around his face as though it were trying to kiss his cheeks.

"I'm in your rooms in the dungeon. Thought a change would be nice," it said before it flew away and dissolved into the starry night sky.

* * *

He descended into the dungeons, wishing for a quicker way to walk down the steps that lead to his office and his rooms beyond it.

He walked through the door hidden behind one of his bookcases and found Lia sitting on his ratty old sofa, reading one of his favorite and post prized books on Potions from the tenth century. She was very carefully turning the pages with gloved hands, his gloves so enormous on her tiny hands it looked comical.

Sea blue eyes looked up at his, and a red eyebrow arched slightly as she looked up at him over her book.

"Are ya'll done?" she asked. Dumbledore had apparently been changing more things in his absence. His father had insisted on having a television in their home with he was a child, and she sounded like a Southern actress he had once seen in a movie long ago.

"Ya'll?" he said, biting his cheek a little to keep his expression as neutral as he could.

Her mouth twitched with hidden amusement as she put the book down on her lap.

"Ya'll," she repeated, now smirking. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, running her hands through the smooth, silky waves. "You know, all ya'll Death Eaters. I thought we were fixin' to start the war tonight if he kept you away any longer."

"Fixin'?" he repeated, still trying very hard not to burst into laughter.

She nodded. "I may drop that one, but yeah. Gawds, this feels weird," she said softly, putting her hands over her mouth and giggling. "The Room echoes, which makes it even worse."

He sat down next to her and hands, pulling off the huge gloves. "Albus's talents may have been lost in teaching," he said casually, glancing up at her every now and then. Every candle in his Rooms were lit, and her hair looked like embers in the light. The effect was stunning.

"That's what I told him," she said, giving him the book from his lap to replace in his collection. "But he said somethin' about no talent ever being wasted. Who knows, maybe all my dance lessons will come in handy one day."

He put a hand over his mouth to cover the grin on his face. The accent was too cute for words. Then, he had an idea.

"Why don't we dance now," he said, pulling her up from her seat on the sofa.

She smiled and walked into his arms.

"There's no music," she said, moving with him as he waltzed with her around the room.

"Then why don't you sing to me, and use more of your talents?"

She looked at him thoughtfully before she giggled, "It's from an American Muggle cartoon. I know a lot about them now – apparently if I don't I'll be even more of an alien than I already am."

In the same bell-like voice that he heard weeks ago the morning after their binding, she sang:

 _"_ _I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream  
_ _I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam  
And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem  
_

 _But if I know you, I know what you'll do  
You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream"+++_

* * *

 _A/N:  
*** from e.e. cummings "somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond_"  
+++ _Lyrics by JACK LAWRENCE, SAMMY FAIN, SAMUEL FEINBERG_

 _Are you feeling the story we're going on, yet? 2 more chapters left before the end of Part 2, I think. Part 3 will be the end. I originally blathered on for 4, but 3 is a nice, odd number for this nice, odd girl._


	18. Betrayed

Chapter 17 - Betrayed

 _April, 1995_

Sarah watched her daughter leave their home for the last time. Lia waved to her brightly as she Apparated to King's Cross Station to meet the Hogwarts Express.

They had enjoyed the Easter holidays together. She'd never seen her daughter happier than she was during the brief time they had together.

It was because of the dark man, because she'd brought Severus Snape into her daughter's life.

Their meeting had been inevitable, as the alternative would have been horrifying. He would not have cast the Killing Curse on her, as would have to be done in that possible version of the future, but he would have had to stand by and watch. He would have known, the second she died, just how much he had lost.

But, thanks to her own meddling with events, that would never come to pass.

Her daughter would be alive, and that was really all that mattered.

She walked back into the sitting room and looked at the fire as she began to make plans. It wouldn't be long now. She knew that the events to come were set points if she wanted to guarantee Lia's safety.

There was no fear in Sarah's heart, instead, she chose to stay very calm. It would serve no purpose to get upset or angry now. She understood her lot when she first understood what being Tom Riddle's daughter really meant as she a small child, when she was branded by the same hand that branded her daughter.

It would never happen again.

The Circle would be broken.

She walked to her writing desk and pulled out a sheet of parchment along with her favorite quill before she wrote what would eventually be her last letter to her daughter.

 _My sweetest girl,_

 _I'm so glad you have found happiness with your husband. Each of you carries the other with you, which makes your bond special indeed._

 _My death should not have been a surprise, my sweet. I'm glad we had so much time together._

 _Please be happy. Don't ever forget who you really are._

 _I love you_

 _Mum_

 _P.S. I hope this brings you a little closer to your father. Wear it with pride, little star._

Sarah looked at her hand and took off the engagement ring that Regulus had given her the night that he so sweetly asked her to marry him. The fiery opal looked like an angry evening sky when it was held in the right kind of light. A diamond sat on either side, the three stones representing the past, present, and future.

Soon, too soon for Lia, Severus, and herself, time would catch all of them in its terrible hands.

She wrapped the ring carefully in a tiny package along with the letter. Donning her cloak, she walked outside to find their owl.

Enough bribery would get Persephone to do the job she had planned for her.

* * *

 _12 August, 1995_

The three stood in front of a large home in the middle of nowhere.

Severus looked uncertainly from Dumbledore to his wife before looking back at the property before them. It looked like it hadn't been used in years, and the property was overgrown with weeds and brush.

"This is their idea of a safe house?" he sneered.

Lia took his hand and smiled. "It's not that bad. It'll do me some good to get my hands … dirty," she said, giggling and looking at the property.

"You just aren't seeing it properly," Dumbledore said. "Finite Incantatem."

The grounds suddenly looked freshly mowed and well kept, the falling shutters and shingles popped back into place, broken windows became whole again.

"That's better," he said, still holding his wand. "Now, my dear, I do want you to know something. This house will actually be yours. I made a little trade with Agent Campbell. Consider it a wedding gift from me."

"Thank you, sir," she said, hugging him with all her might.

"That's very generous, Albus, thank you," Severus said, nodding to the older man.

Dumbledore smiled vaguely, though his eyes twinkled brightly. "After this is all over, I thought it may come as a refuge to both of you in years to come. Bill Weasley managed to transfer your family's accounts at Gringotts to an American bank, don't ask me how," he said, catching Severus's eye. "Everything should be in place."

"Thank you, Sir," she said before she looked up at Severus and smiled.

"Are you feeling better?" Severus asked.

"Yes, I think it was the long Portkey that made me so sick," she said, patting her stomach. "I do think it's beautiful here. The land is full of –"

"Snakes," he said, wriggling his eyebrows.

"No, you prat," she said. "Mystery, and magic for that matter. I can see why the American Wizards want to make their home here."

"And yet their school is in Salem," Severus said teasingly.

She smiled sadly. "I'm going to miss you, you big arsehole."

They'd decided last night to try to keep the mood light today. Lia was determined not to cry any more than she had the previous evening while waiting for him to come back from the Summons. And Severus … he knew he was Occluding, though he was trying not to with every fiber within him. He would not break down, not now that they had come so far.

He drew her to him and sighed as he rested his cheek on the top of her head.

"Albus, can you pretend to go look at the local wildlife while I snog my wife?"

He looked back to see that Dumbledore had already decided to do just that without being asked.

Severus brought his hands to her face and kissed her one last time. He felt her magic pulse within him as he deepened the kiss, drawing her tongue into his mouth and sucking on it slightly. Unable to stop, his lips slid down to her neck and sucked the point behind her ear that drove her crazy. She cried out, the sound almost lost in the buzz of life and magic around them.

Kissing her lips again lightly, he pulled away.

"It's not the end," she said, her eyes now swimming with tears.

He nodded and licked his lips, savoring her flavor before he said, "We'll start again just as we left off."

"Are you ready?" Dumbledore asked, returning from his walk around the property.

"No," she said softly as she took Severus's hand in hers. "But do it anyway."

"Confundo _."_

Bright, aqua eyes suddenly became hazy and dim. The grip on his hand went slack as her eyes fluttered as though she were waking up from a dream. Albus quickly incanted a second charm, "Abscondo _",_ concealing both of them before she cleared from the dreamlike state.

* * *

Severus knew the second she woke up as Amelia Stanfield. She looked at the world around her with a countenance more like the one he remembered her having when she first walked into his office last year. Perhaps the forgetfulness would give her peace enough for both of them.

As she walked to the house, he whispered the words, "I am bound to my beloved."

When she tripped over her own feet on her front porch and yelled out the words, "Goddammit!" at the top of her lungs, he looked at Albus in alarm.

"It's a side-effect, I'm afraid, of the charm. She'll be as clumsy as newborn thestral until it's lifted," Albus said, his voice touched with humor. "Her mother left a package for her on the front porch."

"How did she know?" Severus asked, confusion mixed in with the alarm.

"Sarah would have been the most powerful Seer in Britain," Dumbledore replied, not meeting Severus's eyes with his. "But, she chose another path."

* * *

The second they Apparated back to meet the International Portkey, Severus began to have second thoughts.

"Albus, any number of things could happen to her. I'm going to stay here with her. Confund me if you have to. The danger to her is too great." He was so desperate he was to the point of pleading as he did the night he met the Headmaster on the cold hill by the castle so long ago. "I can't lose her. She is everything to me."

Dumbledore looked at him with a face that had aged considerably since the death of Cedric Diggory. "Severus, I need you too much to let you stay. The Order needs you. The information you gather for us is too necessary for our success for me to let you stay."

Blue eyes that were flat with sadness met black, and suddenly Severus understood.

"Don't-" he whispered, and drew his wand.

But Dumbledore, with his wand ever at the ready, had already cast a second Confundus Charm on his most valued spy.

All memory of Lia suddenly became foggy, until they were gone altogether.

"You will have no memory of the baby once called Serena Black nor the woman called Lia Selwyn Snape. If the Dark Lord calls on you to investigate where she is, you will agree with any of his requests as if you know exactly what he wants, then report to me immediately.

"Your allegiance has been, and will always be to Lily Evans Potter and to the protection of her son, just as it was before this year occurred. At the end of the War, if and when the Dark Lord is defeated, all your memories will return to you. If something fails and you don't remember, but find evidence of your relationship with Lia, ask me or Phineas about her, we will tell you, gladly. Just ask about the cuff on your hand, which you will never remove unless I instruct you. That will be enough.

"It's for the greater good, Severus," Dumbledore said. "I can't afford to have one second of your attention away from Harry now. He has too great a role to play, as do you. I know how betrayed you will feel when this is all over.

"One day, I hope you will understand, and be able forgive me."


	19. Epilogue - Perspectives, Part 2

Epilogue - Perspectives, Part 2

 _2 May, 1998  
The Shrieking Shack_

Severus Snape knew he was dying. He'd done his duty and given enough of his thoughts to Potter to ensure that the boy would have enough information to deduce that he was going to his death.

He had welcomed his own death gladly after he looked for one last time into the boy's green eyes, and for the briefest second he thought he could see Lily's face surrounding them. Then everything went grey, and he was no longer in pain.

The peace he'd wanted in life, he finally found as he slid into death. He chased the grey, wanted to live in the deep familiar pools and chase the silvery lights within it. He thought he smelled lavender flowers as his life left him completely.

 _Serenity, grace, and calmness. Peace at last._

* * *

Pain unlike anything Severus had ever experienced brought everything back into focus, and he thought that someone, perhaps the Dark Lord himself, brought him back from the dead just to kill him again.

But no, it was not the Dark Lord, or even Minerva, who he thought would kill him within the school if he hadn't flown away. When he could finally make the world come into focus again, he was staring into vaguely familiar chocolate brown eyes that were dripping with tears. His eyes saw the flask in her hand that was still stationed above his neck.

 _Damn that girl. I was almost there. Almost home with_ _her_ _._

"Stop," he tried to speak, but no sound came out of his ruined throat, only a wheezing gasp followed by a throatless howl of pain as she continued to drip the Dittany on his neck.

"Just a little more, Professor," she said, her tears mixing with the Dittany now as they fell. "The bleeding has almost stopped. Just a few more drops."

Hermione didn't know that the few more drops that she thought was saving him was inflicting pain far worse than the pain the snake wrought when she ripped into his throat.

"Here," she whispered, pouring a potion down his newly healed throat. He recognized the taste – it was a clumsily made Pain Reducing Draught. It didn't work completely, but it did at least numb his throat slightly. She gave him a second vial – the bitter Blood-Replenishing Potion. Last was Pepper-up Potion.

"Do you need a bezoar, or are you immune to the snake's venom?" she asked, looking in her deceptively small handbag before producing the small grey stone in her hand.

He shook his head. He'd created an antidote for Nagini's brand of poison when the Dark Lord returned and had been treating himself with it quietly for some time.

"Will you be able to walk or should I use a charm to take you back?" she asked.

Severus moved his legs and arms for the first time since the snake bit him. They seemed to work, and Merlin help him he did not want to be levitated on these grounds again if he could help it. He grabbed her arm, weakly missing it at first, then holding onto it with more strength.

"Wait," she said, summoning a nearby chair. "I'm not strong enough."

He nodded and used the chair to pull himself up to a standing position. A wave of nausea and dizziness hit him when he stood, and he sat down, grateful that she had thought of it.

"Did he do it?" Severus whispered. His voice sounded ragged even to his own ears. He wanted to laugh at the irony that the one attractive thing about him was now probably gone.

"It's done, sir. Lord Voldemort is dead," Hermione said.

He nodded, but found he could not stop his head from moving. Something cool and wet fell onto his cheeks, and realized he was crying. Impatiently, he grabbed the sleeve covering his left arm and found that he couldn't pull it up or work the buttons on his coat.

"Here," she said, swatting his clumsy hands away. Hermione deftly worked the row of buttons on his sleeve and pulled it up, showing him what he wanted to see.

His Dark Mark was now grey and vague, a little darker than it had been after the First War, but not by much. The tears returned in earnest now, and if his throat could have completely worked he knew he would have been sobbing. Instead, he sounded like a rabbit caught in a trap, even though just the opposite was true: For the first time in almost twenty years, he was finally free.

Severus felt warm, thin arms surround his narrow shoulders. A mass of curled, unkempt hair was brushing the side of his face. Warmth exuded from her body, and he could feel her heart jumping around in her chest and she pressed herself against him. He could not remember the last time anyone had touched him, especially in kindness. The exhausted nerves in his body jumped around as his skin adjusted to the pressure and proximity of another person being near. He placed his arms around her, and held on with all his might.

"Why save me?" he whispered into her ear.

"I saw your memories, sir," she said. He stiffened against her. "Don't worry Professor. Harry didn't reflask them, but I did. I gave them to the Aurors when they arrived at the school, as well as a letter Professor Dumbledore's portrait told me to give to them."

"Are they looking for me?" he whispered, painfully now, as the Draught was quickly wearing off.

She shook her head against him and laughed, though the sound came out hollow rather than joyful. "They think you are dead, Professor. But, considering that Harry and Ron are already lauding you as a hero to everyone who will listen, I think you are going to be safe from Azkaban."

Severus pulled his head back and lifted her chin up so that he could look into her eyes. With the last words he could speak before requiring another potion, he whispered, "Why save me?"

Her world weary eyes softened when she said, "Everyone deserves a second chance to live. And you didn't even get a first chance, did you?" She fumbled in her bag for another flask of potion and gave it to him. He held onto it, saving it for when he needed to speak more.

"You do need to spare it. It's the last one."

He nodded. For the first time he saw the little witch for who she was: truly the brightest witch of her age, and also the kindest he'd met since … the vaguely caught a glimmer of memory of a woman with curly blonde hair before pain overtook him again, though this time it was not from his neck. His whole body ached as though his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

"Oh Merlin, help me!" Hermione sobbed. "Expecto Patronum."

She looked at the otter and very clearly said, "Poppy, come to the Shrieking Shack now. There is a survivor here with severe blood loss who is having a seizure. Hurry!"

* * *

 _May 2, 1998  
Terrebonne Parish, LA_

Kristin Arnold was on her way to work when she decided to stop in to have quick cup of coffee with Lia. They both worked extra on the weekends at the nursing home in town. For Lia, it was a way to pass the time and get much needed experience in her field. For Kristin, it was a necessity to help pay the bills while she was in school. She sniffed, thinking how nice it would be to come from a wealthy family and not have to worry about money. But, apparently it came with its own share of problems, as Lia had no family left now and a husband fighting in a far off country who had not been home in as long as she'd known her, not even when she had a miscarriage a few years ago.

After driving by the house, Kristin decided that she may just head on in to work and start the day. Two men in dark clothes were standing on Lia's front porch. Deciding her friend must have company, she drove in to work.

* * *

Kristin passed by the house again on her way home for lunch when realized quickly that something was wrong.

Lia was fanatical about her security, and the front door was wide open.

Kristin pulled into the driveway and saw her car there. She hoped maybe Lia was out in her garden and forgot to shut the door until she caught the smell of burned food wafting out into the air. Through her view of the open door, she saw smoke coming out of the kitchen.

She ran inside. After grabbing a heavy kitchen towel and opening the windows, she opened the oven and removed the burning mess, dropping it unceremoniously into the sink and cooling it off with the tap.

Kristin turned to the kitchen table when she saw the letter, dated with today's date.

"Mrs. Stanfield, we regret to inform you …"

She brought a hand to her mouth as she finished the letter. It wasn't folded, which meant someone must have hand-delivered it to her.

Lia's husband was dead.

She ran through the house, looking in the bedrooms, her library, and even ran outside to the gazebo by the lake before she realized she hadn't thought to look in the bathrooms. She ran back into Lia's home, fear settling in her stomach as she opened the door to the master bath.

Kristin smelled her old fashioned lavender bath salts, and hoped maybe she was just taking a bath after the shock of the news and had fallen asleep.

"Lia, are you in here? I saw the letter … oh my God, Lia, no!"

* * *

 _A/N: Part 3 will be posted as a separate story just like the previous 2. Don't know why it makes sense to me, just does. In my head it makes it easier to read.  
_ _Stay tuned ..._


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